The Princess who will not be Sheriff
by Starbuck1980
Summary: Sequel to The Girl who would be Queen, please read this first as this story will contain references and spoilers to it. May contain trigger warnings but none at present. When the curse breaks it changes everything. Mainly Regina's POV. Perhaps hints of Snow Queen at times but nothing serious.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **The Princess who will not be Sheriff.  
**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)  
**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time  
**Pairing:** Swan Queen  
**Rating:** NC17/M for trigger warnings, language and sexy times.

**Summary:** When the curse finally brakes it changes everything. Continues on from The Girl who would be Queen. Please read first as this will probably contain references and the character development etc will be the same. Mainly FTL but with some SB/RW scenes. Most probably dark & twisty knowing me. This will no doubt be very long.

**Trigger Warnings:** Maybe contain references to: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. All rights belong to Disney/ABC.

**A/N:** So I am only guessing MM has a beat up 1980's Jeep Cherokee? I watched the eps with her car in them and then googled pics so apologies if you think this is wrong. Thank you to my awesome wifey who beta-ed & plotted with me and to EvilRegalsUK (on twitter) for creative input.

_This is for Adriana and Julie._

* * *

One.

Regina stared blankly at the wall ahead of her as she fiddled with the strap of the bag in her lap. It had been ten minutes since she'd walked into Dr Hopper's office and she had yet to say anything besides 'Good afternoon'. Some sessions were like this; they would sit in silence for an excruciatingly long period before he would break the silence and ask her a question.

She shifted uncomfortably in the chair opposite Dr Hopper, preferring that to the large couch, watching as he scribbled in his notebook. It had taken quite some time to build up the minimal trust they had established but she still didn't like the man and scowled at him when he finally looked up at her. Some days this felt like such a waste of time but Emma had wanted this and she had to admit the nightmares and the flashbacks had eased somewhat.

'So how was this past week for you Regina?' Dr Hopper finally asked as he peered over the top of his glasses. Regina bristled at the use of her name and not her title, stiffening in her chair.

'It's been fine,' she said sharply, fine being her default word. He looked at her for a moment waiting for her to continue but she broke eye contact and looked down at her bag.

'Just fine?' He asked prompting her 'No nightmares or flashbacks?' She swallowed straightening again.

'Well there have been a few,' she admitted reluctantly, letting out a small breath. He continued to look at her, expecting her to continue. 'Mostly when Emma doesn't stay over,' she added.

'And why do you think that is?' He asked, writing in his book before looking up at her again, his eyebrow quirked.

'I don't know,' she almost snapped but bit back her tone as the words left her mouth.

'Regina, we've talked about this. I can't help you if you are not honest with me,' He probed gently, observing her as she stiffened again.

'I just don't feel like we're getting anywhere. Maybe it would be best if I leave,' Regina stated huffing and pulled her cloak of defensiveness tightly round her.

'Really it's only been six months. You told me the nightmares and flashbacks have lessened so I think you can give yourself some credit,' Dr Hopper pointed out.

'Yes but only when Emma stays the night,' She told him letting out another breath.

'That may be so but it's an improvement, wouldn't you agree?' He asked placing his pen and notebook down onto the table.

'Not especially,' Regina shrugged as she looked up at him, her eyes challenging.

'What did you expect to gain from this? Therapy takes work, it takes work to face up to your past especially when you find it so difficult to discuss,' He said gently, as if she didn't know this fact.

'More than this,' she admitted quietly.

'Maybe we should make a new agreement that you will be more open with me. I know you find it difficult but you know by now that what you tell me in here is absolutely confidential. Do you agree with that?' He watched her for a moment, trying to push herself further back into the chair, trying to fold into herself and disappear.

Regina sighed, mulling over his words.

'I have to try because I need this to be over. I need to get through this so I can move on with my life,' Regina allowed.

'Okay then, that's all I can really ask for but you have to be committed to this process for as long as it takes or it won't work,' Dr Hopper replied. 'And you shouldn't be so hard on yourself,' He added, 'you're doing well.'

Regina laughed then and he gave her a tentative smile.

'Why don't we try exploring your current feelings and trying to voice them?' He offered.

Regina inwardly groaned. This was an exercise he liked to do every week because he thought it would help her to express her feelings more openly.

'Fine,' Regina stated resisting the urge to roll her eyes. 'I feel… annoyed.'

She looked up at him, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. He raised his eyebrow and this time she couldn't help but roll her eyes.

'Anxious, nervous, worried…' she took a breath and gazed toward the window. 'Scared…' She felt the familiar lump rise into her throat and tear prick at the corners of her eyes.

'Do you know why that might be?' Hopper prompted when she fell silent. There was a moment of silence as Regina's hand went to the necklace at her throat, her finger and thumb playing with the ring that hung on the fine chain.

'I have this picnic tomorrow with Emma and Henry but Emma also invited Miss Blanchard,' Regina said with an edge to her tone, she glanced up to see understanding flash across the doctor's face.

'And the apology we talked of?' Regina held his gaze for a moment, her eyes hard and defiant before she swallowed and looked away.

'Yes. I think it's time that Mary Margaret and I had that conversation,' she said more softly fighting back the tears that threatened.

'Are you ready to tell me why you need to apologise to Miss Blanchard?' He enquired watching her face harden and her eyes narrow.

'No. I told you that's off limits,' she snapped back at him.

He sat back in his chair, his eye brows raised and the colour draining from his face.

Regina took a breath fighting the delight she found in scaring the good doctor.

'I apologise. I do not wish to talk about that. Emma knows and that is all that's important right now,' Regina amended, her voice softening.

'Alright… Emma knows why you need to apologise?' He asked almost tentatively.

'Yes,' Regina stated.

'How do you think you'll be received?' Hopper enquired watching as she raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips.

'I don't know,' Regina said with simple honesty as the various scenarios played in her head – everything from Mary Margaret ignoring her entirely, to laughing at her at the idea of forgiveness, to her somehow convincing Emma to leave her. Her chest tightened as she remembered the last one, Emma turning on her with hate in her eyes. She shook her head and cleared her throat, pushing away the image.

'It's the unknown you're worried about, how she will react and if she will accept your apology?' Hopper offered.

Regina nodded slowly as he looked at her.

'I'm not sure I would if I were in her position,' Regina replied, 'I'm not she should either,' She admitted, her attention on her bag.

'Regina, we talked about this. Putting yourself down isn't productive. Everyone deserves forgiveness,' He said a disapproving tone to his voice.

She looked up at him then and he could see the tears glistening in her eyes as she fiercely tried to control them.

'I'm not putting myself down. Not everyone deserves forgiveness Doctor,' Regina stated tersely.

'Well that's something we can discuss next week. Our time here is up…'

* * *

'Hey, are you nearly ready to go?' Emma asked as she strode into Regina's bedroom. The mayor was standing in front of the full-length mirror, dressed in navy chinos, and a fitted white linen blouse.

'You do realise we're going on a picnic in the woods?' Emma quipped as she came up behind Regina and pulled her close.

'Very funny, unlike some people I like to look decent,' Regina bit back a scowl fell across her face as her eyes scanned Emma briefly; she pushed Emma's arms from around her waist.

'Okay, what's wrong?' Emma asked stepping back and giving the brunette room.

'Nothing,' Regina stated rather sharply as she strode to her closet door to pick out some appropriate footwear. Emma sat down on the bed and watched the mayor disappear into the walk-in wardrobe.

'C'mon give me some credit, I think I know by now that's something's going on with you…' Emma rolled her eyes in Regina's direction as the brunette emerged with a pair of navy pumps.

Regina was silent as she sat down on the bed next to Emma. How could she say she was terrified, literally shaking Jimmy Choo's? She dropped her hands in her lap, her back straight and her eyes boring a hole in the wall opposite. She took a breath and turned to Emma.

'Why don't we take Henry to the movies instead? Or bowling?' Regina offered.

'You don't want to go,' Emma said evenly taking Regina's hands in her own.

'No,' Regina said with almost a sigh of relief, 'I don't want to go.'

'Why not?' Emma asked evenly, crooking an eyebrow.

Regina pulled her hands away and stood up.

'I get enough of that with Dr Hopper thank you,' she replied crossing her arms over her chest, 'You know perfectly well why I don't want to go.'

'You know why it's important that we do,' Emma said firmly. 'Besides,' Emma added with a smile on her lips, 'you hate bowling.'

Emma looked up at Regina with a comforting grin but Regina scowled back. Emma stood pulling Regina towards her and with her heels on Regina was almost the same height.

'You're just nervous,' she said running her hands along Regina's arms. She caught Regina's gaze in her own, 'It's not going to be easy but you need this in order to move on,' she said, 'For you to forgive yourself so we can be a family,' she added.

'No, this is a horrible idea. I can't even tell Hopper why I have to apologise. How am I ever going to explain this to _her_?' Regina ranted, breaking away from Emma's hold and striding over to the window, one hand in her immaculate hair and the other on her hip.

'You agreed to this because you know it's the right thing to do,' Emma pointed out sitting back down on the bed. 'Mary Margaret has been having flashbacks for far too long for us to ignore this any longer.' Emma stood and walked over to the window, standing behind Regina without touching her, 'I'm going to be right there, so is Henry. You can do this; we can do this _together_,' Emma finished as she took Regina by the shoulders and turned her around. The mayor was hugging her middle again refusing to meet Emma's eyes. Emma took hold of her chin, gently lifting her face toward her own so that their eyes met. Regina's brow furrowed, her eyes wet with tears.

'You only just told her about us, surely this should wait?' Regina manoeuvred weakly.

'No it can't,' Emma replied sternly. 'I told her _four_ months ago. She was so upset this week because she keeps remembering bits and pieces of her other life. She thinks she's going crazy,' Emma reminded her before holding Regina's face between her palms. 'You know why, I know you can do this?' Emma asked staring into her dark eyes.

Regina shook her head, biting her lip against the tears still fighting to come to the surface.

'Because I love you and I believe in you,' Emma pointed out sombrely, holding Regina's gaze, 'You can do this,' she affirmed, she watched as the mayor closed her eyes tightly and she let out a frustrated groan.

'Damn you Emma Swan,' Regina grumbled, wiping away an errant tear and steeling herself for the task ahead, 'Let's go before I change my mind again.'

Emma grinned as Regina stood up straight, leaning in to plant a quick kiss against the brunette's lips. She took her hand and led her down the stairs.

* * *

Regina sat fidgeting in the car as Emma drove them to where they had arranged to meet Mary Margaret. Henry lounged in the back seat listening to his iPod and ignoring their conversation. Regina and Henry's relationship had been remarkably calm since the day they had told him about the curse and Regina and Emma's relationship. The sheriff's frequent presence brought a relaxed comfort to the Mills household and Henry seemed to bask in the additional love that they both brought into the home.

'Hey Kid, we're almost there,' Emma called over her shoulder.

She reached over to squeeze Regina's thigh, glancing over quickly as she pulled off the main road and onto a dirt track. They parked alongside Mary Margaret's beat up jeep. The petite teacher was sat in her car reading but looked up as Emma switched off the engine. She gave Emma a small smile as Emma waved. Emma looked over to Regina who scowled back.

Emma squeezed Regina's thigh again before exiting the vehicle.

'Hey,' she greeted Mary Margaret.

Henry chimed in as he got out of the car and dumped his iPod into his backpack. He turned to look at Regina who was taking deep breaths before exiting Emma's bug.

* * *

Henry chattered to Mary Margaret as she led them down a path through the forest. Regina clutched Emma's hand as they trailed behind. Emma seemed to be enjoying the fresh air whilst Regina's stomach was a tight bundle of nerves. Regina looked up at the sky; it was such a beautiful day the sky was a deep blue and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. As Emma's body bumped her own, a moment of peace and familiarity washed over Regina.

Emma pulled her along as they began to climb a ridge, climbing higher and higher still through the tall pines that surrounded them on either side. All of this seemed so strangely familiar.

Emma caught Regina's gaze, green eyes shining as they met soft brown and Regina felt the warmth of Emma's love through her gaze, a small smile crossing her lips. Emma watched Regina's lips curve and smiled back, squeezing her hand she stopped to pull Regina into an embrace as Henry and Mary Margaret fell out of sight. Emma's arms came around her, pulling her closer still, her lips against the warm skin of Regina's neck.

'I'm so proud of you, you know that right?' Emma murmured as she scattered kisses up Regina's neck and across her jaw until she found soft receptive lips awaiting her touch. 'I love you so much Regina,' Emma said against the mayor's open mouth as Regina's hands sought out skin beneath Emma's cotton tank top, her tongue exploring the sheriff's mouth. Regina pulled away first as she heard Henry calling, her chest heaving and her eyes dark with passion.

Emma quirked a smile at Henry's vocal intrusion and turned to pull her onward but Regina pulled her back by their clasped hands.

'I love you too, you believe that don't you?' She said tentatively and Emma smiled, her lips spreading wide over white teeth as she nodded.

'Yes of course,' Emma said as she pulled Regina close again, planting a quick kiss against the mayor's mouth. 'C'mon or else they'll send a search party out for us,' Emma said winking.

Regina nodded and let Emma lead her up the hill. Finally she was loved, finally she was safe and finally she was accepted. She had started to make amends, to sow new seeds in this town they called home because she wanted to make it better. She craved repentance and as much as she hated to admit it she needed to do this because without apologising to Mary Margaret she was unsure how she would keep going forward. This was her happy ending and she would work to keep it.

Emma pulled her over the last ridge and onto the clearing at the top as Henry and Mary Margaret laid out a picnic blanket. Déjà vu washed over Regina, she stood clutching Emma's hand tightly. They gazed down in awe and wonder at the view of the town below, their town; their home.

* * *

**A/N 2:** I was debating with leaving the Jimmy Choo comment in but it comes from a conversation I had with the lovely people in the SQ FB group. Plus I have the link of the exact shoes. LOL

**A/N 3:** Comments are love, you really spurned me on last time and I still can't believe the comments I am still getting for The Girl who would be Queen. This fic isn't flowing as well but hopefully you'll stick with me. I've got some surprises in store.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **The Princess who will not be Sheriff.  
**Author:** **starbuck1980** (Livejournal and Tumblr)  
**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time  
**Pairing:** Swan Queen  
**Rating:** NC17/M for trigger warnings, language and sexy times.

**Summary:** When the curse finally brakes it changes everything. Continues on from The Girl who would be Queen. Please read first as this will probably contain references and the character development etc will be the same. Mainly FTL but with some SB/RW scenes. Most probably dark & twisty knowing me. Plus I am still ignoring the whole MM jail story line.

**Trigger Warnings:** May contain references to: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. All rights belong to Disney/ABC.

**A/N:** Apologies for the delay, I realised there was a flaw in my plot that needed to be fixed. Again thank you to my wifey Ana_khouri for being beta/plot fixer also EvilRegalsUK (on twitter) and ibee85 for creative input and plot straightening.

* * *

Two.

Regina shuddered as she gazed down at the town. She looked up at Emma who had the same expression dawning over her face. This spot was almost identical to the hilltop of their shared dream. They exchanged glances as apprehension began to seep in to the pit of Regina's stomach. She turned suddenly, taking a step to face Mary Margaret and Henry, who were laughing quietly.

'How did you know about this place?' Regina demanded with a rough accusatory tone as she glared coldly toward Mary Margaret who looked up with an expression of shock.

'Regina!' Emma exclaimed grabbing the mayor's forearm and pulling her back a step. 'She couldn't have known,' Emma said soothingly, leaning in close to the mayor's ear. Regina's eyes flickered as she felt Emma's warm breath against her ear.

Mary Margaret looked from Regina to Emma raising her eye brows in confusion, 'We had a nature walk up here once, one of the other teachers...' she trailed off and looking curiously at Regina.

Regina visibly swallowed, of course Mary Margaret couldn't have known. Regina leaned against Emma, _get a hold of yourself_, she told herself firmly.

'I apologise Miss Blanchard, I was mistaken,' Regina mumbled as she swallowed again, recovering her composure.

Mary Margaret's eyebrows rose further. Had Regina Mills just admitted to being wrong?

'It's okay; I mean there was no harm done right Mary Margaret?' Emma asked trying to smooth the way for later.

Mary Margaret nodded, 'Why don't you both come and sit down?' She said indicating to the blanket and they both went to sit, Emma next to Mary Margaret and Henry next to Regina.

'Are you okay mom?' Henry asked, leaning up against her.

She put her arm around him pulled him into a hug, forcing a smile on her face.

Mary Margaret knew Regina was going through a hard time. Emma had told her about the reappearance of her mother but she had not witnessed first-hand the change between Henry and his adoptive mother. She found it somewhat heart-warming that the two could reconnect after so many differences especially since Henry had been so adamant about the curse and her malevolence.

'I'm okay just a little on edge,' Regina replied squeezing Henry's shoulder.

Mary Margaret began bringing out plates and food from the picnic basket, handing each person a plastic cup. As she handed one to Regina her fingers brushed against Regina's hand and for a moment the mayor froze, staring wide-eyed at the school teacher. In that moment, as Regina really looked at her, she could see that small girl that she had saved all that time ago, the girl that she would've loved but for her mother's bitter betrayal. Mary Margaret pulled her hand back, watching as the small smile played at the corner of Regina's lips, her eyes distant absorbed in the memory.

'Thank you,' Regina uttered, looking away. That small girl was long gone and if it hadn't been for Regina's mother their entire history would be very different. Regina shuddered against the breeze as virulent regret crept up her spine. She looked to Emma as she chatted to Henry, her eyes bright and her hand resting against Regina's thigh. Regina took Emma's hand as she directed her gaze back to Mary Margaret who was observing the scene with interest.

'Miss Blanchard,' Regina began, it was now or never and rather than sit in awkward silence she may as well just get on with it. 'Mary Margaret,' She corrected, 'May I call you that?' Regina asked as she lifted her gaze to the teacher's green eyes, the same eyes that had once held her with reverence.

'Of course,' Mary Margaret replied as Henry and Emma's conversation died out and silence descended. Regina took a breath, holding the teacher's gaze.

'There was a reason we wanted to spend time with you today,' Regina began as she glanced to Emma who smiled back at her encouragingly.

'I owe you an apology,' Regina began gravely as the wind picked up, blowing her hair to the side.

'Oh no, It's okay really,' Mary Margaret interrupted, confused why the odd comment earlier meant so much to her. She smiled back awkwardly.

'No,' Regina said slowly but firmly, 'I owe you another one, an apology for something I deeply regret.'

'I'm confused,' Mary Margaret said her eyebrows furrowed as she glanced from Emma to Henry then back to Regina.

'Please just listen,' Regina said delicately. 'What I am going to say… is quite difficult and I need you to be open minded,' Regina said watching Mary Margaret carefully.

Mary Margaret nodded, lips pressed together in a tight smile. Regina took a deep breath as Henry's hand reached for her own. She looked down at him for a moment taking in his smiling face of encouragement. She could do this and her son knew it, she looked back to Mary Margaret seeking out the petite brunette's eyes before she began her mouth twisting, trying to form the uncomfortable truth on her tongue.

Regina took a deep breath. 'The curse is true. I _was_ the Evil Queen and you… You are Snow White.'

One line and it was out. Regina felt a weight lift a little from her shoulders as she continued, the words spilling out of her, 'I am so sorry for what I have done to you. There are no excuses, none at all but I need you to know that I am deeply and truly sorry for everything. I know I can't make up for what I've done to you but know that I will never forgive myself for what I have done,' she continued, her voice thick with emotion.

Dark clouds began rolling off the horizon, darkening the blue sky as the wind gently buffeted the edges of the blanket. Mary Margaret's eyes narrowed a little and she opened her mouth to speak but Regina cut her off.

'I know you don't believe but the three of us sit here before you to tell you it's the truth,' Regina stated. Henry and Emma nodded and Emma opened her mouth to speak by Regina continued, 'You've been having the dreams, the flashes of memory, yes?'

Mary Margaret nodded then, her face falling as the blood drained from her white skin.

'It can't be true,' she finally said as Regina watched her closely as shock then realisation painted across her face. 'If it's true then Emma,' Mary Margaret faltered then, tears pricking furiously at the corners of her eyes.

'I'm your daughter,' Emma confirmed trying to smile but her mouth wouldn't obey her and her mouth quirked in an awkward grin.

'No. It's not true,' Mary Margaret rose to her feet, pacing to the edge of the hill and then half way back and looked out towards the town. Something clicked in her brain, some hidden memory surfacing. She looked up at the darkened sky, feeling emotions akin to the approaching storm well up inside her. She spun round as Regina got to her feet, Emma and Henry joining her a moment later.

'Did you really hate me that much?' Mary Margaret bit back at Regina; but Regina looked into Mary Margaret's eyes and saw Snow.

'Yes, I hated you for what you took from me,' Regina replied calmly, 'You had no idea what happened to me, to Daniel….what my mother did to him,' Regina's voice rose as the pain in her chest increased at the memories.

Snow's eyes flashed with anger before a sudden bombardment of memories left Mary Margaret stumbling backward gripping her head. Thunder rolled in the distance and Henry stepped closer to Regina, taking her hand again and gripping it tightly.

'Are you okay?' Emma asked, torn between standing beside her lover and going to her mother.

'I was innocent Regina! I was a child! I didn't know anything about what your mother was like!' Snow affirmed as she straightened no sign of Mary Margaret remaining and Regina could only look away from her burning eyes.

'I know that now,' Regina whispered as she swallowed the forming lump in her throat.

'Emma, how can you be with her knowing all that she has done?' Snow said turning her attention to her daughter.

'Mary Margaret,' Emma began,

'It's Snow unless you'd like to call me mother,' Snow replied, irritation apparent even through the even tones she used to speak to Emma.

Emma frowned, recoiling, unsure how she could ever call her best friend "Mom".

'Snow,' Emma said cautiously, the name felt foreign against her tongue, 'I understand the whole story now. It's not just one side like Henry's book would have you believe. And I love Regina; she's the mother of my son. Please try to understand.'

'Maybe you don't understand what she took from me, you weren't _forced_ to give your child away,' Snow snapped as a look of horror dawned across Emma's face.

'That's enough!' Regina barked, rising to her full height, 'This is between you and me; I will not have you bringing Emma or Henry into this.'

'Emma is already in this, Regina. She's my daughter, how can I not bring her into this? You stole her childhood, you stole her from me! I had to send her away because of you!' Snow ranted, tears welling in the corner of her eyes as she thought of the sweet baby girl she was only able to hold for moments.

Thunder boomed out, echoing around them.

'If I could take it back I would, don't you think I would? I love Emma, she and Henry are everything to me but they have accepted this, they know who I am,' Regina desperately tried to explain, tears flowing freely down her face and leaving streaks in her perfectly made up face.

'How can you stand there and ask my forgiveness after everything you've done?' Snow asked sharply, her anger forcing her tears away.

'I'm not asking for forgiveness. You have every right to be angry; I took _everything _from you. I just want you to know that I'm sorry, truly sorry,' Regina sobbed as she sank to her knees, her hands over her face.

Emma knelt beside her, one hand on her back as she looked pleadingly back at her mother. Snow was silent for a moment, her hands clenching and unclenching as she watched Regina's family comfort her. She thought she ought to be bitter, Regina had stolen this family from her but then she realised, Regina was her family too.

'You killed my father,' Snow said quietly as she bit her lip, all her sudden rage evaporating as she looked down at this broken woman.

'I never want to harm your father, I wanted out but it wasn't my plan to have him killed. It was all _her_,' Regina spat the last word out.

'Who? Cora?' Snow asked as she took a step forward watching as Regina shuddered at her Mother's name spoken aloud.

'It was all her, she procured the snake, she concocted the plan,' Regina explained, 'My life was not my own back then, you have to understand what she was like, what she took from me, what she did to me,' the words stumbled from Regina's mouth in hesitant thoughts, 'if you thought I was bad, I was nothing, NOTHING compared to her!'

'What did she take from you?' Snow asked softly, as Emma helped Regina to her feet, her curiosity overriding her caution.

Regina glanced down at Henry to make sure he was alright, he gave her a weak smile and she pulled him against her. There was another low rumble of thunder as Snow took another step towards them.

'I'm okay mom, you can tell her,' Henry assured her as he hugged her middle before standing beside her encouragingly.

'She killed Daniel,' Regina began slowly.

'I knew that, you showed me his grave,' Snow said.

'But I was pregnant,' Regina admitted. She leaned into Emma as the blonde's arm came around her waist, Henry's hand squeezing her own.

'But you never had a child,' Snow said, her eyes narrowing with confusion.

'No I didn't,' Regina confirmed, 'She made me abort it three days before the dress fitting. Three days before you told me that _you_ had told my secret to her and I lied to you, telling you that Daniel had run away. I spent three days alone, bleeding, scared and wishing for death because my mother had stolen the one thing left that I loved,' Regina sank further against Emma as the blonde kissed her shoulder.

'See? I may have taken your child from you but your actions took mine from me. I know it doesn't make what I did okay….' Regina trailed off as the emotions overwhelmed her. She sank to the ground, guided by Emma as both the blonde and Henry crouched beside her, holding her hand and shoulder respectively.

'Regina, I'm sorry. I didn't know, why did you never tell me?' Snow asked as she sat on her knees before Regina.

'I don't want your sympathies. How could I trust you after you cost me everything? How could I know that you wouldn't tell your father? He would've had me killed for treason,' Regina pointed out.

'No he wouldn't have,' Snow assured her softly, her hand on Regina's arm.

'Yes he would,' Regina affirmed, 'you only saw his good side. He worshipped you.'

'Yes and he would've done anything I asked of him,' Snow told her.

'I couldn't take that risk,' Regina said looking up into Snow's face. The truth was Snow couldn't know what her father would do.

'I'm sorry Regina; I failed you as a daughter,' Snow said simply as she gazed back at Regina, sympathy creasing her brow.

'No, you were never my daughter. How could you be when I wouldn't let you in?' Regina said sadly, tears slipping down her face again.

Snow looked into Regina's eyes, watching the tears slip down her face and she knew, truly knew, that Regina deserved her forgiveness. She had suffered enough; they had all suffered enough.

'I'm sorry I never took the time to truly get to know you,' Snow said, giving Regina a small smile, and squeezing her arm, 'I forgive you Regina.'

Regina heard the words fall from Snow's lips as if in a dream. Surely it couldn't be real?

Suddenly there was a low rumble and at first Regina thought it was just thunder but the ground beneath them began to shake, the rumbling growing louder as Regina gripped Emma's hand tightly. They knew what this was, they had seen the end, seen how this scenario played out. Regina grabbed for Henry thrusting him between her and Emma's body to somehow protect him from the inevitable. They reached the edge of the hill in unison as the first cracks on Main Street began to appear, picking up speed and cleaving the town in two as fissures broke away exponentially.

Emma reached out to grab her mother's arm and Henry's scream filled her ears as the first few buildings began to crumble and fall into the crevices in the ground. The sound was deafening and Henry began to whimper as he clutched both his mothers' hands.

Fear tingled up Regina's spine as the last of the town crumbled to dust and the deafening noise gave way to a deadening silence.

Smoke began to seep from the cracks in the ground engulfing the town. The ground rumbled again, knocking them all to the ground as the smoke threatened to consume them. Regina's eyes widened as she watched the smoke inch closer, she reached unconsciously for the ring around her neck and gripped it tightly in her palm. An incantation formed on her tongue and she muttered the words from muscle memory, her mind seemingly blank in terror as they clung tightly to each other before everything went black.

* * *

Regina clutched at emptiness, deafening loneliness consuming her as she fought unconsciousness. She felt herself stand, her body moving on autopilot when all she could see was a black so dark it felt like blindness. She reached out again for Emma, for Henry, but her fingers grasped the thick air around her. Panic replaced the loneliness thundering through her veins and squeezing her lungs as she fought for composure.

The darkness began to lift after what felt like an eternity and the room came into focus, it felt cold, the thick stone of the walls pressing in on her. She blinked rapidly, her hands clutching her abdomen and it was then, as her fingers pressed against the material beneath them, that she realised what she was wearing. The black dress clung to her skin, its tightness pressing down against her as she struggled to breath, her hand reached up into her hair. Her short hair was now longer and pushed up with feathers sticking out of it. Regina hugged herself her eyes focusing on the form lying on the floor beneath her feet. This couldn't be happening; it wasn't possible. But of course it was. The rest of the smoke cleared and Snow looked up at her, eyes pleading as she cradled her husband in her arms.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **The Princess who will not be Sheriff.  
**Author:** **starbuck1980** (Livejournal and Tumblr)  
**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time  
**Pairing:** Swan Queen  
**Rating:** NC17/M for trigger warnings, language and sexy times.

**Summary:** When the curse finally brakes it changes everything. Continues on from The Girl who would be Queen. Please read first as this will probably contain references and the character development etc will be the same. Mainly FTL but with some SB/RW scenes. Most probably dark & twisty knowing me. Plus I am still ignoring the whole MM jail story line.

**Trigger Warnings:** May contain references to: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. All rights belong to Disney/ABC.

**A/N:**Your comments are just... Wow... I don't even know how to express how awesome they are.

Sorry this part took a while to get out. Life...

* * *

Three.

_"Somewhere horrible. Absolutely horrible. A place where the only happy ending…will be mine."  
_  
She felt the words leave her mouth, not understanding them nor hearing them. She remembered saying them but here, now? This was another time.

She stared down at Snow who looked equally confused clutching the body of her dying husband. Regina shuddered, cold dread slipping down her spine. This wasn't right, this was history so why were they here? She gazed numbly around the room, Emma's nursery, but where was Emma, where was Henry? Her knees almost buckled beneath her as she felt their absence on a visceral level.

She peered down at Snow again, her wide eyes emulating Regina's own unspoken fear. Snow appeared exactly how she had when the curse had struck, her hair was long flowing freely down her back and she wore the same white night gown.

'Help me,' Snow whispered, barely daring the words to leave her mouth. 'Help him, I know you have the power,' she repeated, her voice stronger.

Regina gaped down at them, her eyes switching back and forth between Snow to James.

'Where's Emma? Henry?' Regina managed to choke out, her knees finally buckling, falling to the floor before Snow and her husband.

'Regina please, if she truly meant something to you please save her father. We will find them I swear it,' Snow pleaded tears glistening in her eyes. This should have delighted Regina, she should be rejoicing at this woman's pain but the ache in her own chest wouldn't allow it. She blinked for a moment watching as a tear escaped and slid down Snow's face.

Regina nodded. She felt for the magic within her, letting the distantly familiar feeling wash over her. Oh how she had missed its constant presence. She hovered her palm over Charming's wound, a soft warm light glowing beneath her palm and emanating onto his pallid skin. She closed her eyes concentrating as she felt the wound repair itself, layer upon layer. When she finished Charming groaned and as he opened his eyes she pulled back her hand as if it burnt to touch him. His cold glare met her eyes and she stood and stepped back.

'James?' Snow exclaimed joy on her face as she ran her fingers through his hair. His glare left Regina and his eyes fell upon Snow as they softened, love filling his vision as he embraced his wife.

'What's going on? What are we doing here?' his questions went unanswered as a piercing cry filled the room, penetrating, heart wrenching, heart-breaking. The cries of a new-born locked in tiny cupboard. Three pairs of eyes shot to the doors and Snow was there before Regina could take another breath. Her heart twisting in agony as Snow carefully opened the cupboard doors. This couldn't be happening, as her eyes lay on the crying baby she could feel her happy ending shatter like fragile glass.

Emma… Small, pink and wriggling as she screamed, her tiny arms flailing. She was wrapped in a white woollen blanket with a purple velvet trim and her name was embroidered onto one of the corners.

A sob escaped Snows lips and Charming was by her side in an instant.

'Emma,' Snow sobbed as she picked up the screaming infant.

Regina could no longer feel her heart; it had been torn out to be replaced by an aching numbness. She stared at the two of them sobbing and clinging tightly to baby in Snow's arms with an empty dread.

'No. No. No. No,' Regina gasped, barely audible at first but as the extent of her loss ripped through her it became more desperate as the word tore from her lips. She stared in horror at the infant as Snow's cold glared turned upon her.

'You will leave this place and never return do you hear me?' Snow demanded her voice even but firm.

'She should be imprisoned and made to pay for her crimes,' Charming interrupted, Emma's screams still piercing the air.

He took a step to retrieve his fallen sword and for one fleeting moment Regina thought this was it, this was her end and part of her wanted to welcome it.

'Just do it, kill me and get it over with,' Regina begged, 'Have your happy ending. I have nothing left... _Emma,_' she choked out, words fighting a losing battle as emotion suffocated her. She reached out a hand to touch the child but Snow recoiled and James slapped her hand away with the flat of his sword.

'Please,' she begged, 'I just want to see... To say goodbye,' Regina pleaded as Snow clutched the baby to her breast.

'No,' Snow bit back. 'For the love she bore for you, I will spare your life but you are here by banished from this castle and my kingdom and if you so much as step foot near us, I will have you killed,' Snow's glare was icy with fear-driven contempt, knowing that with her powers Regina was just as dangerous as before, perhaps more so now that they had custody of the person she loved.

'_Please,_' Regina begged again, her arms wrapped around the middle of her black gown. 'You said you forgave me. You said you would help me find Henry...' Her voice stop short as Charming's face contorted into a scowl, his eyes lighting up in recognition of Henry's disappearance. He dropped the point of his blade.

'Where is Henry, what happened to him?' he asked turning to his wife.

She held up her hand to silence him, looking down at Emma in her arms.

'His mother is still a baby,' she said to James softly.

Regina crumpled further into herself as she heard the barely audible words, a numbness settling over her, she had lost them both.

Snow turned to Regina, 'James and I will conduct a search in case he is here somewhere,' she offered, 'but you will leave and never return. This is the price you pay for what you have done.'

'Let me at least say goodbye,' Regina pleaded again as she took half a step forward, desperate for some sense of closure.

Snow faltered for a moment as Emma's cries stilled, she opened her blue eyes and turned towards the sound of Regina's voice.

'Please. She knows my voice... Snow, please!' Regina begged taking another step and reaching out her hand. The baby continued to focus on the direction of Regina's voice before James stepped between them, forcing Regina back with his presence. Emma began to whimper again.

'I don't know what's going on but if Snow says you are banished then you are banished and you will leave my wife and daughter alone. Do you understand witch?' James snapped taking a step closer to Regina and blocking Emma's view completely. Emma began to cry again, her piercing wails increasing in intensity.

Regina looked from James's steeled expression to Snow, holding Emma toward her protectively and trying to quieten her. She nodded, biting her lip as the pain burgeoned in her chest, before stumbling backward towards the door.

The last thing she heard as she ran down the corridor were Emma's screams.

* * *

It was dark when she woke, another damn dream about her mother startling her from sleep. She shifted uncomfortably, the bed was hard and unforgiving and she missed her own back in Storybrook. It was funny how twenty-eight years could lull you into a false sense of security and luxury.

If truth be told she hadn't missed it here, this world where everything seemed so much harder. Maybe she had at first when everything was new and unfamiliar but as the years wore on she had become accustomed and rarely thought of here. Maybe she just chose to forget, this world held so many bad memories.

Regina reached over, aiming for a bedside lamp, and cursed aloud - no electricity. She sat up and clicked her thumb and forefinger together, a flame appearing between them. She reached for the candle beside her bed, lighting the wick before projecting the flame to the others around the room. One by one the candles around the room lit, creating a warm flickering light that still was darker than her lamp back in Storybrook. Feeling the chill of the room beyond her covers she looked at the fireplace opposite her bed. The fire had burnt down but the embers still glowed in the grate. It was early morning then. She sent a spark to refuel it, the fire bursting to life before settling on the few logs not already fully charred. She would need more wood before the day was out.

Her head fell back to her pillow.

The image of Snow's seething face came to her mind, unrelentingly replaying the scene of her exile. She closed her eyes tightly, willing the scene away, but she could still hear the echoes of Emma's screams in her ears.

Maybe she shouldn't have fled, maybe she should have stood her ground and fought but Emma was their child, this was her chance to have the life she deserved.

The knowledge that Emma would have a better life helped but it didn't stop the emptiness that welled up within her. Knowing she would never see her smiling face, never feel the comfort of her arms or her hands against her bare skin forced a sob to rise within her. She pushed it away, crying wouldn't solve anything.

A pang of regret stabbed through her heart then, as if to remind her how much she felt now. She had yet to resurrect the walls Emma had so carefully knocked down and had no way to protect herself from the constant pain of her solitude. It seemed like a step backward to do so after everything she had been through, a betrayal of Emma's love. And so she mourned for her loss without respite, mourned for the loss of her lover and the son who had finally been opening up to her - the family she never knew she wanted but now missed with every breath.

She looked around the bed chamber. This place had been her contingency plan in case the curse ever broke; little did she expect to need it, particularly under such strange circumstances, but she was thankful now for her well laid plans. This house was smaller than her castle by far but with solid stone walls and multiple rooms, set deep in a forest by a lake; it possessed all the essentials for survival.

Yet with no hot water, no electricity and no functioning toilet this medieval mansion practically felt like a hovel in comparison to her house in Storybrook. Gods how she missed hot showers.

As she fled Snow's castle her guards had been at her back, ever loyal, but they reminded her of another life and she dismissed them all; even her most loyal commander, commanding them to swear fealty to Snow and James but above all to protect their daughter Emma. Her commander had given her an odd gaze, hesitantly confirming her command, confusion laced in his voice. In reply she turned her Evil Queen glare on him and he nodded obedience, saluting her as his queen for the last time.

Outside of the castle she had grabbed a horse, mounting it with ease as if 28 years had not elapsed since she had ridden last. She spurred it away from the castle, settling in to the repetitive motion as the miles allowed some of the strain to fall from her body.

That had been two weeks ago. Forcing herself out of bed she sat at her dressing table, picking up the hand held mirror to see Sydney's familiar face staring up at her, electric blue and ethereal. It was the only mirror she had in this place, unlike before when they had been everywhere. She had taken down the few others when she arrived, barely able to stand looking at Sydney's face.

'Show me,' she demanded as he smiled up at her. She had no desire for pleasantries this morning.

Suddenly his face began to blur and ripple as Emma's nursery came into view. Snow was pacing the room with the screaming infant. The times Regina had looked in on them the scene had always been the same. Emma wouldn't stop crying and they had no idea why or how to comfort her. Snow looked exhausted as she passed the screaming baby over to her equally tired husband. Regina's heart filled with agony as she listened to those pitiful cries. She placed her hand over her heart as she felt that familiar pang. She turned the mirror over and placed it face down, unable to face the scene she was so powerless to prevent.

Just as she was thinking about trying to get back to sleep she heard a quiet _tap, tap_ and for a moment she thought she was hearing things. _Tap, tap, tap_. But there it was again only louder. It seemed to be coming from the window and Regina walked over carefully, holding her hand in a defensive gesture, ready to strike out with magic if needed. She turned the latch and opened it wide, peering out and scanning the underbrush. Suddenly something flew in, buzzing in her face as her hand came up to swat it away.

'Hey! Be careful!' Came a strangely familiar voice and Regina tried to focus on where it was coming from.

She turned around and finally noticed the green cricket perched on the round top of one of the bedposts.

'Hopper?' She asked squinting down at the tiny insect.

'Actually it's Jiminy now,' He said as she loomed over him.

She bent over slightly, taking in his small coat, top hat and the umbrella in one of his many hands.

'What are you doing here?' Regina grumbled as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

'Princess Emma won't stop crying,' He said unceremoniously turning to face her.

'So? What does that have to do with me?' She snapped again. She had enough problems trying to forget this fact she didn't need _him_ reminding her.

'Did you know she would turn back into an infant?' He asked, lifting the hat from his head.

'No of course not,' She replied, hugging her middle as that ever present pang stabbed through her more sharply.

'But the curse was the secret you were keeping from me, isn't that so?' He asked as he fluttered closer.

'Why exactly are you here? The curse is broken. Emma is back where she belongs and I don't need to suffer any more of your therapy sessions,' Regina replied dismissively. 'Or are you collecting information for the other side?' She asked suspiciously, her eyes narrowing as he floated close to her face.

'I know your secrets Regina. I know the whole story whereas the Kingdom does not,' He said slowly.

'Snow knows and she made me leave anyway, maybe if she hadn't Emma wouldn't be crying so damn hard,' Regina stated angrily, rubbing at her tired eyes.

'Do you know why she's crying?' He asked curiously.

'No. But Snow didn't exactly want me hanging around and find out. Well if she thinks she can manage then good luck to her,' she snapped again. She had raised one baby and knew how tough it could get but she had done it alone - Snow had James and a whole host of servants.

'I've spoken to her about having you come back,' He stated, fluttering away before coming close again.

'I'm sure that went over well,' Regina quipped, her eyes staring at the blank wall, sick of following Jiminy around the room.

'I left her to consider it,' He replied, finally landing on the rounded top of the bedpost again.

'How are you doing without your medication?' He asked cautiously, for a moment she thought he was frowning back at her.

'Need I remind you that this is not one of your sessions? This is my home and I don't need to be quizzed by you,' Regina shot back; she stood and walked toward the window.

'I take it that means you aren't doing so well,' Jiminy replied, 'Have the nightmares returned?' he continued, fluttering closer to her.

Regina closed her eyes tightly, her back to the cricket. She took a deep breath trying to calm herself but she knew any more pushing from him and she would lose control all together. Part of her wished she could talk to him, she hadn't realised how much she missed talking to someone who knew... but she couldn't trust him, he would only go back and inform the others.

'Does she know you're here?' Regina asked quietly.

'No. I thought it best to come without informing Queen Snow,' Jiminy replied evenly, landing on the bedpost again. 'I am here because I feel I have a responsibility to you. Snow has her husband and many advisors; you on the other hand have no one,' He said sympathetically, watching her closely.

'I don't need anyone!' She shot back, his pity causing anger to rise within her before the truth of his frank assessment caused the first tears to slip down her cheeks, burning her face.

'Now we both know that isn't true,' He said softly as she came to sit next to him on the bed, her anger deflated.

She slumped down; her shoulders sagging as she covered her face with her hand and wept softly.

'Everything I love is gone. I don't even have enough focused hate to push me forward, Emma made sure of that,' she said with a sad bitterness, 'what am I supposed to do?' She asked her voice choked with emotion. He buzzed closer, landing gently on her shoulder.

'Find a way to live your life,' He said softly, 'Find some closure.'

'How am I supposed to do that? I can't even say goodbye. How can I move on when I have nothing left?' Regina asked, her breath shuddering in her chest.

He was quiet for a moment, and Regina watched him carefully as he stared at her exactly as he used to, waiting for her to come up with her own answers.

She fell back against the bed, numb with emotional exhaustion. She curled up into the foetal position, her arms wrapped round her legs, his presence lost against her own dark thoughts. He stayed, watching over her until her breathing slowed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **The Princess who will not be Sheriff.  
**Author:** **starbuck1980** (Livejournal and Tumblr)  
**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time  
**Pairing:** Swan Queen (although it gets a bit Snow Queen-y at times.. but not anything serious)  
**Rating:** NC17/M for trigger warnings, language and sexy times.

**Summary:** When the curse finally brakes it changes everything. Continues on from The Girl who would be Queen. Please read first as this will probably contain references and the character development etc will be the same. Mainly FTL but with some SB/RW scenes. Most probably dark & twisty knowing me. Plus I am still ignoring the whole MM jail story line.

**Trigger Warnings:** May contain references to: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. All rights belong to Disney/ABC.

**A/N:** I'm like a cylon, I have a plan. Trust me. In other words, don't panic. Yes Emma's a baby but really you do not want Emma growing up thinking of Regina as a familial role model. It has to be this way. Keep calm and read on.

* * *

Four.

_'Henry,'_ she whispered softly against the baby's tiny ear. She closed her eyes for a moment, her heart fluttering to life as she breathed in his baby scent.

'Is that a family name?' the social worker from Phoenix asked, watching as Regina nuzzled her face against the side of her new son's face. Regina repositioned the baby, gazing down at him in wonder as he slept.

'Yes. It was my father's name,' Regina said stiffly, 'He's no longer with us.'

'Oh, I'm so sorry,' the woman said sympathetically, pushing at her auburn hair. 'Will it be just Henry Mills or would you like to give him a middle name?' she asked.

Regina thought for a moment.

'Henry Daniel Mills,' Regina responded as she controlled the threatening lump in her throat.

'Okay then if you could just sign here,' she asked pointing with her pen, 'and here,' she indicated another line, 'I think that's it,' the woman said looking up at Regina cheerfully.

Regina scribbled her signature before looking up at the woman and smiling.

'Great,' the woman said, getting up and straightening her pencil skirt. 'Enjoy your new son and please don't hesitate to call us if you have any questions,' she finished, shaking Regina's hand before heading down the front path.

Regina closed the door and leant back against it, gazing down at the baby in her arms. Was he really hers, after all this time?

That night Henry would not stop crying. The feeling of uselessness that crept over her reminded her of watching her mother kill Elizabeth before her, knowing nothing she could do would stop her mother's actions.

She'd fed him, burped him, changed his diaper and rocked him but still he would not stop wailing.

Unaccustomed to sleep deprivation, she brought the squalling bundle into her own bed, unwrapping him from his swaddling blankets she lay down and placed him against her bare chest and shoulder, stroking his soft little head and making _shhhhing_noises against his ear. Finally his heart wrenching sobs turned into whimpers, his breath shuddering through his tiny body and he fell asleep to the sound of Regina's beating heart.

* * *

Regina woke with a jolt knowing exactly what she had to do, she looked around for the tiny cricket but he was nowhere to be found. She got out of bed quickly, enjoying this new found sense of purpose, and dressed rapidly in a simple low cut black silk gown.

Her plan wasn't without risk but if she were to ever move on with her life, as much as the thought still felt like wrenching her heart from her body, she had to do this.

She paced to her dressing table and picked up the small mirror.

'Show me,' she commanded and the genie complied as his image began to swirl and change.

Emma was still wailing, her tiny face was scrunched up and bright red. Snow and James were nowhere to be seen and she assumed they were sleeping. The nursemaid paced up and down clutching the infant as Emma's arms flailed against her chest. The nursemaid sighed and walked over to Emma's crib placing her inside.

'I'm going to go get the wet nurse but I'll be right back,' she told the baby with tired deference before she left the room.

Regina rose from her seat, this was her moment. She grasped at the magic within her, feeling it well up inside her like a torrent. She took hold of it, swirling it around herself until she felt that familiar feeling of being lighter than air. She concentrated on Emma, projecting her feelings towards her destination.

Her feet where the first to feel anything as the air around her became substantial and the feeling of being grounded washed over her. Emma's screams were the first thing she heard as the smoke began to clear.

'Hey,' Regina soothed as she walked swiftly to the side of Emma's crib. She reached over, loosening her swaddling clothes and picked her up. 'Hey, it's okay now. I'm here,' Regina repeated; her voice gentle as she held the baby against her bare chest. Emma's small head against her shoulder and Regina rested her head gently against Emma's as the infants cries turned into whimpers and then stopped completely. Regina closed her eyes breathing in a lighter version of Emma's familiar scent as tears pricked furiously.

'I can't stay long,' she whispered against Emma's ear. 'I'm sorry Emma. I feel like I failed you but that is going to change, I promise,' Emma whimpered for a moment and Regina readjusted her, holding her in the crook of her arm so that she could see Regina's face smiling down at her. Emma looked so like Henry had that it tugged painfully at Regina's heart.

'I know this is for the best,' she told the baby. 'This is the life you deserved all along,' her voice cracked as Emma's eyes fluttered closed, her breathing even. 'I will wait for you Emma. I don't care how long I have to wait but I will wait for you,' she promised. She heard the guards outside Emma's door talking to the nursemaid. Regina quickly placed the sleeping baby back into her crib, briefly stroking her downy head before she placed a kiss upon her forehead.

'I love you Emma, don't forget me,' she whispered against Emma's forehead.

She quickly scribbled on a piece of parchment before she called forth the magic from inside her and disappeared, leaving the parchment next to Emma.

* * *

'What's happened?' Snow asked as she opened her door to the frantic nursemaid. James was at her back as Snow peered at the woman.

'Princess Emma is sleeping!' she exclaimed excitedly.

'What did you do?' James asked as they followed the woman down the corridor to Emma's nursery.

'I didn't do anything, I went to get the wet nurse and when I came back she was sleeping. I found this beside her,' She told them handing over the parchment.

_'When she cries, hold her against your bare skin so she can hear your heart beating.'_

'Regina!' James spat as they approached the crib. Snow lifted her hand to silence him as she looked down onto her child's beautiful sleeping face.

'Shhh,' Snow whispered softly. 'Look...' James turned to see, his heart melting at the sight of their sleeping daughter, content in her crib.

She smiled up at him, his arms circling her waist and pulled her close.

'Maybe we should allow her to see Emma?' Snow said as she lifted her face to look up at her Charming. 'She has nothing left...'

'No,' he replied evenly, exhaustion audible in his voice, 'she took everything from us and now we get a second chance. This is our life Snow, our daughter.'

'But you didn't see her before the curse broke. She apologised and I could see in her eyes that she meant it. And Emma loved her, really loved her. She made peace with what Regina had done and so did Henry. If our daughter and grandson can do that then why can't we?' Snow asked looking up at her husband.

James took hold of her shoulders and moved her away from the crib and the nursemaid who was sewing new clothes for Emma.

'Snow, darling. Emma and Henry haven't had to live through what we have. She poisoned you, murdered your father, kidnapped me... Should I go on?' he pointed out, grasping her shoulders and gazing into her eyes imploringly.

'I told you what happened to her; I told you what her mother did. She said she never wanted my father to be harmed,' Snow told him, pulling him from their daughter's nursery by the hand.

'So trying to kill you and I, that's okay is it? What happens if we allow her into Emma's life and she kidnaps her or worse she tries to kill us again, can you really rule that out?' James argued as they entered their bed chambers.

'I don't think she would,' Snow said quietly as she sat on the edge of their bed.

'Can you really take that chance?' James asked pulling her against him.

Snow was quiet for a moment before shaking her head, 'No, I don't think I can. I would never forgive myself if I trusted her and something happened to you or Emma,' She acknowledged, she took James' hands in her own, looking into his eyes. 'But think about what she's going through, she lost her lover; someone she trusted and loved so deeply she actually apologized to me for everything she had done to us back when I didn't even know who I was. And she lost her son! I remember the pain of having to give Emma up to you, that intense, profound feeling of loss that losing a child creates in your heart. I remember thinking you were dead and my child was gone...' her voice trailed off, tears formed in her eyes as he pulled her close.

* * *

Regina watched them from her mirror, her heart twisting knowing that Emma slept only because she had been able to settle her. She watched them argue too, hearing Snow's words in her defense but knowing that Snow was right too, no matter what sympathy she had garnered neither couldn't chance Regina having an underlying plan. Regina didn't blame them.

She watched as the couple settled in bed, Charming falling asleep almost instantly. Snow tossed and turned for a bit before getting out of bed and seating herself before the mirror at her dressing table. Snow rubbed her tired eyes as she looked back at her reflection, sitting still for a moment. She looked over her shoulder, checking her husband was asleep. He was lying on his side with his back to her but she watched the even rise and fall of his chest and knew he was still asleep. Snow turned back to the mirror, biting her lip as though she were trying to make a decision.

'Regina?' She whispered at her reflection. Regina was stunned for a moment unsure what to do.

'Regina... If you're there please let me see you,' she whispered again before chewing her bottom lip. 'Please, Regina I only want to talk,' she added with a hint of pleading.

Regina bit her own lip, wondering why she should let Snow see her. But she remembered what she had said to her husband and nodded briefly in acquiescence.

'Allow Snow to see me,' she told the mirror.

The mirror in front of Snow began to swirl before it cleared and Regina's face appeared before her as Snow gasped.

'So you have been watching,' Snow said her voice shaky with the confirmation as Regina's face became crystal clear.

'Yes,' she admitted simply, having no reason to lie. 'Only on occasion and usually just Emma,' she elaborated evenly, watching Snow's tired eyes register the invasion with calm complacence.

'You know I could have you hunted down for this intrusion,' Snow informed her without malice as she gazed at Regina with a soft almost caring expression.

Regina nodded, 'You won't find me though,' She replied gently, 'I have a protection spell concealing my home.'

'How did Jiminy find you then?' Snow asked with simplicity but Regina only shrugged,

'Maybe it doesn't work on crickets?' Regina replied with indifference. Part of her knew the cricket wouldn't give up her location.

'So I am supposed to trust that you won't come back here, that you won't take Emma from us,' Snow said, her voice hardening slightly.

Regina prickled for a moment before she relaxed. 'If that was my intent I would've already done it,' Regina assured her without bitterness. 'Emma is where she is meant to be. Maybe this makes up marginally for what I have done to you,' Regina stated stoically.

'That doesn't make this any easier on you,' Snow pointed out, compassion lacing her voice, 'I tried to talk to James but he won't hear of you coming back,' Snow said as a tear slipped down her cheek.

'I don't want to come back,' Regina replied evenly, the pain flaring up in her chest, 'I know what you said to him and I thank you for that but I can't be in Emma's life. I can't be her step-grandmother or some friend of her mother's. I love her Snow, she is the only person in my life who ever cared enough to really understand me and love me despite it. Never again being able to see that understanding in her eyes…' She paused as the tears welled up in her eyes, 'Well I would rather never see her again,' Regina concluded, clearing her throat and wiping a stray tear from her cheek.

Regina looked up to see Snow looking into her lap. When she looked back up at Regina her face was tear-stained.

'Come to me, Regina, if you ever need anything?' Snow said as she pushed away her tears, wishing there was something she could do to keep Regina from slipping from her life like this. She had spent so long avoiding her, hating her and now she couldn't imagine her life without her.

'I won't but thank you,' Regina replied, straightening as she desperately clung to her remaining dignity. She clutched at the mirror's handle tightly between her fingers. 'I have to go,' she said closing her eyes and turning the mirror over onto her dressing table.

'Regina, wait!' Snow said desperately as she watched the mirror begin to swirl and her own reflection come back into focus. She leaned her elbows on the top of the table and shook as she wept into her hands. Why she was crying she couldn't exactly say.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: **The Princess who will not be Sheriff.  
**Author:** **starbuck1980** (Livejournal and Tumblr)  
**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time  
**Pairing:** Swan Queen (although it gets a bit Snow Queen-y at times.. but not anything serious)  
**Rating:** NC17/M for trigger warnings, language and sexy times.

**Summary:** When the curse finally brakes it changes everything. Continues on from The Girl who would be Queen. Please read first as this will probably contain references and the character development etc will be the same. Mainly FTL but with some SB/RW scenes. Most probably dark & twisty knowing me. Plus I am still ignoring the whole MM jail story line.

**Trigger Warnings:** May contain references to: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. All rights belong to Disney/ABC.

**A/N:** Contains scenes of claustrophobia.

* * *

Five.

The night was especially dark, thick clouds covered the sky and not a star could be seen. It had been two weeks since she had visited Emma to say goodbye. The next day Snow had a large mirror placed in Emma's nursery, smiling oddly at it when she entered as if she knew Regina was watching despite her assertions to the contrary. When she was alone with Emma she brought her to the mirror, 'In case you change your mind Regina,' she said softly to the mirror, holding Emma in front of it and speaking nonsense to her until she convinced herself that Regina wasn't watching. But Regina was watching and continued to watch. She watched the nursery until her wrist ached more than the emptiness in her heart, but the deafening loneliness of her daily existence made her sit and watch as if she was glued to some daytime television show. Seeing the Charmings as a happy family, seeing the love they shared and their delight in Emma's development gave Regina a small amount vicarious joy but with a deeper sense of sorrow and it had been hard not to slip into old habits. She had been fighting against it for some time, forcing herself to remember the inner strength Emma had returned to her; but tonight, as the blade hovered over Regina's thigh, her hand trembling as she clutched the dagger, thoughts of Emma only spurred her on.

She'd consumed half a small cask of what they called whiskey in this world. Granted it was strong but she missed the single malt scotch that used to lick down her throat fill her stomach with flame. Her head was beginning to swim as she pressed down, her forefinger pressed along the top edge of the steel blade. Red began to bead on either side of the blade but she couldn't bring herself to draw a line. Emma wouldn't want this. But the Emma she loved no longer existed and the Emma of this world was just a defenceless infant.

'_Are you coming to bed?'_ the familiar voice purred, pulling Regina from her thoughts. She looked around her modest bed-chamber but _she_ was nowhere to be found. It was nights like this she missed the drugs but maybe visions of Emma weren't so bad when it could have been her mother haunting her. _'Emma,'_ Regina moaned, her head hanging down as she loosened her grip on the blade, blood smeared on the cold steel.

'_Come to bed,' _she said again but Regina covered her ears.

'Go away. You're not real; I need you to be real,' Regina moaned abandoning the dagger to the floor and looking up into emerald eyes that were dark with passion. Regina bit her lip, her eyes welling with tears as she gazed into those familiar eyes. She reached out her arms, grasping at thin air as Emma disappeared.

Regina closed her eyes tightly as Emma reared up in her mind's eye. Regina pressed her back up against the wood of the bedstead; it dug into her back as Emma's lips claimed her own. Suddenly they were back in Regina's bed in Storybrook, the smell of home filled Regina's nostrils making her insides ache. She took a breath, trying to shake the vision, but as Regina looked up into Emma's face her heart began to beat wildly and she never wanted to look away again.

Regina got lost for a moment in the darkness of Emma's eyes as the blonde straddled her hips, bending down to feather kisses along Regina's collarbone and up her neck, sending little shivers down Regina's spine. Regina's fingers slid up the blonde's torso, delighting in the feel of Emma's warm smooth skin against her fingertips. _God how she had missed this_. Regina breathed in Emma's scent as she nuzzled against the blonde's neck, nipping and sucking her way to find Emma's lips again. Emma sucked the brunette's tongue into her mouth as her finger's teased Regina's nipple until it was taut beneath Emma's palm. Her fingers danced across Regina's skin, leaving goose bumps in their wake before she reached up and grasped the brunette's jaw pulling her mouth closer as Emma's tongue roamed deeper into Regina's mouth. _Tap, tap, tap._ Regina pulled the blonde flush against her, her arms wrapping possessively around her. _Tap, tap, tap._ Regina frowned feeling Emma pull away but as she opened her eyes and her bed chamber came clearly into view, she groaned aloud. Reflective solitude washed over her once again as she looked down to see her fingers tangled in wet curls between her thighs. _Tap, tap, tap._

'God Damn it!' Regina swore as she pulled her hand away, thankful that her back was to the window and the bed obscured her from the view outside. She struggled to get to her feet, pulling down her black silk nightgown and staggering around the bed to the window.

'I don't want to talk to you,' Regina declared bluntly as she opened the window.

'Hello to you too,' Jiminy said as he flew into the room, landing on the wooden bedpost.

'What do you want from me?' Regina groused walking back over the bed. He regarded her for a moment, taking in the open cask, pewter goblet and the bloody dagger on the floor.

'I thought perhaps you'd like to talk?' He said as he watched her stand with her hands on slender hips.

Regina snorted, 'You thought wrong, now go and leave me in peace,' she replied, gesturing towards the window, waiting for him to move.

'Are you really in peace?' He said, flying over the discarded dagger and the alcohol.

Regina let out a humourless laugh.

'Perhaps I would be if you people would leave me alone!' She stated her voice raising several octaves.

'Queen Snow told me of your encounter. You came to visit Princess Emma,' Jiminy informed her.

It wasn't a question and Regina stood silently fuming, her hands still on her hips. She didn't want to be reminded of that night.

'Have you been watching, is that why you feel so low again?' Jiminy offered, his small fore-arms widening with the suggestion.

'I'm not your fucking patient,' Regina replied, her voice getting louder and shakier, 'How dare you come in here and psycho-analyse me! Why do you think I'm so fucking low _doctor_? Oh could it be I have lost my son and the only person in thirty odd years that I felt able to trust, the only person who loved _me _and survived?' Regina asked, gesticulating wildly. 'Only she didn't exactly survive, did she?' She continued to rant. She paused and her face crinkled as she fought to control the tears forcing their way to the surface, 'Everyone I care about dies…' She said softly amidst the tears, covering her mouth with her hand and sinking against the wall, her anger lost.

Jiminy floated closer but she half-heartedly attempted to swat him away. He evaded her unconvincing efforts and hovered just out of reach.

'I'd rather they had just killed me and got it over with,' she pleaded through the tears, her head in her hands.

'Is that really what you want?' He asked daring to move closer.

'I want Emma back, I want Henry back,' Regina said, trying the swallow the next wave of tears threatening to overwhelm her.

'Henry never existed in this world. Everyone went back to where they were when the curse began, the only difference is that they remember Storybrook,' Jiminy explained carefully. 'Snow doesn't want you harmed,' he continued, 'If she could convince James to let you back, I am sure you could be a part of Emma's life.'

'I don't want to be a part of Emma's life,' Regina spat, 'She's not _my_ Emma.'

'Granted she won't have the same life experiences but she will still be the person you fell in love with,' Jiminy encouraged.

'No she won't, the person I fell in love with had _those_ experiences, they made her who she was,' Regina argued, trying to squash the small hope that he was right, if she could just wait long enough… but it was a fool's hope…

'That maybe true but…' Jiminy let the phrase hang, opening his arms again as if to let her make her own conclusion.

'But Emma is just a baby,' Regina pointed out, 'I'd have to wait _twenty-eight years_ and then who's to say that we would ever meet or fall in love? And what about Henry, will he ever exist now?'

'You are forgetting who and what you are Regina,' Hopper said cryptically before adding, 'There is always hope.'

Regina fell silent, her brain whirring behind her eyes.

Jiminy perched himself on her knee, 'So what are you doing to combat the nightmares and flashbacks?' he asked, changing the subject.

Regina snapped her gaze to his face with a grimace.

'I want you to start to write down how you feel, I want you to keep track of how many nightmares and flashbacks you are having and I want you to voice them, write them down,' he insisted.

'And why would I do that?' Regina remarked acidly.

'Because I know you want them to stop,' He stated with a cautious confidence.

Regina snorted again as she got to her feet, dislodging Jiminy who flew up to his usual bedpost.

'I'm going to bed, you can see yourself out,' Regina replied waving her hand in dismissal.

Jiminy inclined his head and fluttered out the window and into the night.

* * *

The room was black as pitch as Regina struggled to her feet, leaning over with her hands on her knees. All she could hear was her own heavy breathing and her heart pounding in her ears. The wall behind her was cold stone and a sense of foreboding began to creep up her spine. She felt enclosed, confined like the walls were pressing in on her. She flicked her thumb and forefinger together and a flame appear between her fingers revealing that she was in a low tunnel; the flame bathing her surroundings in weak light. She attempted to stand up straight and her head brushed against the rounded wall of the top of the tunnel. _What the hell was going on?_

Breathless from being confined Regina began to move slowly through the tunnel, stooped slightly with her arm outstretched so that she could see the way ahead. Her bare feet splashed in fetid water and the smell of stagnant liquid lifted to her nostrils. She scrunched up her nose, pursing her lips as she came to a junction, a tunnel lying ahead and one to each side. She paused for a moment unsure of which way to take as she was urged on by the panic constricting her chest. She walked on, trying to control her heavy panicked breathing as she became aware of a chill in the air. Her nipples stood erect under the thin silk of her clinging nightgown and a shiver ran down her spine leaving a trail of goose bumps. She paused for a moment, leaning against the algae covered walls, her breath clouding in front of her as she panted. _She had to get out of here and fast._

Regina padded on, the tunnel narrowed before opening out into an immense cavern. Vast stalactites hung from the roof of the cave, some melding into stalagmites rising up from the ground. In the middle Regina could see a faint glowing light growing bolder as it seemed to pulse rhythmically. She inched closer, the knot in her belly tightening with every step she took. The light grew stronger, pulsing faster as she stepped closer. She gasped aloud as her eyes caught sight of what was glowing – Jefferson's hat.

As if it felt her presence it picked up speed, projecting light up towards the roof as it grew in size with every turn. She stood transfixed for a moment, watching it spin as the light grew bright. She stepped back, shielding her eyes until they adjusted, snuffing out the flame in her hand. Images began to play as it spun, reminding Regina of a zoetrope but projected upward into the beam of light. At first she couldn't make the images out but as it spun ever faster and bigger she saw glimpses of Storybrook: Granny, Ruby, even Mary Margaret. She saw Henry laughing and then hugging Emma as he threw his small arms around her and Regina almost doubled over in pain as her knees went weak. The images grew faster as if it were a brain washing technique playing over and over again. She watched Emma and Henry bowling, Henry's hands in the air in excitement after he bowled a strike. Regina vividly remembered sitting on the side lines complaining but what she wouldn't give to be bowling with them at this moment. Angry tears spilt down her cheeks as she watched Emma standing in ovation as Henry scored a homerun during his little league game. The three of them hugging as Emma planted a chaste kiss on Regina's lips after they had gone out for ice cream.

The hat spun faster still, the dark edges blurring along with the images. It was now three times its size and growing bigger with every turn. Suddenly it seemed to lean towards her, spinning off balance as it made its way towards her. She panicked, letting out a small yelp as she turned and ran the narrow tunnel no longer there. She was running down a long corridor, the hat in pursuit as she turned the corner and hid behind a large marble pillar. There was a timeworn book with a dusty leather cover on a plinth opposite her and she squinted to make out the title. Above that was a large rectangular mirror that was somehow familiar. In fact this whole place seemed oddly familiar. She peeked around the pillar only to see the hat coming right for her. She took off again, sprinting down another corridor as the hat crashed into the marble pillar she had been hiding behind only moments before. The pillar crumbled beneath the force of the collision but didn't seem to make a difference to the speed of the hat as it continued to hurtle towards her.

Regina panted heavily as she spotted a deep red marble staircase winding upward in a tight spiral, she looked over her shoulder but the hat was still coming and still growing in size, destroying everything in its path. She ran for the stairs, still looking over her shoulder when she crashed into something that sent her sprawling across the marble floor and into the direct path of the hat. She looked up to see a glimmering blue force shield, fear roiling in her stomach in recognition of where she was, the breath knocked from her lungs. She scrambled to her feet, trying desperately to make her lungs function as she looked back, the hat inches from her. She stood frozen as it consumed her, brilliant white light temporarily blinding her. She squeezed her eyes shut not daring to take a breath.

When her lungs began to scream for air she let out a breath, gulping in air as though it were water and she was dying of thirst. The intensity of the light dimmed gradually and Regina blinked rapidly, her eyes adjusting. The room was completely white except for a wide, black rectangular window; much like the observation window at the Sheriff's station. Regina glanced around but there was no door and no other means to escape. She walked to the window, the floor cushioned beneath her bare feet. As she approached the window began to change, first to grey and then it cleared to reveal a busy street beyond. Emma Swan walked into view and the window seemed to follow her like a video camera would. She was a lot younger and her hair was cropped short and dyed a deep red but it was no mistaking that it was Emma.

Regina pressed her palms up against the window, her heart aching heavily beneath her ribs. Emma wore a beat up black leather jacket that was too big for her, her low slung baggy jeans were torn in several places and men's boxer shorts peeked out the top. She had a ring through her nose but despite everything she was still the most beautiful girl Regina had ever seen. Emma's brow was pulled down into a deep scowl as she trudged the streets in her clunky Doc Martins. Emma crossed the street and headed towards the corner of an intersection. Suddenly her face lit up in a broad smile as she looked up and waved to a man waiting on the corner. Regina scowled as she observed the two of them; something was oddly familiar about the man who embraced Emma as she skipped towards him, throwing her arms around his neck. He pulled her impossibly close as they stood on the public thoroughfare, warmth radiating from his intense dark eyes. Emma's fingers slipped into this thick wavy black hair and Regina noticed the small scar across his upper lip as he bent his head down to kiss her passionately. She lifted her hand to trace her own scar and almost growled at the sight of them, envy twisting painfully in her stomach, her own dark eyes flashing in resentment.

Suddenly the scene cleared and within a blink of Regina's eye Emma, the same skinny, dishevelled kid was pressed up against the other side of the glass; her palms against Regina's. Her green eyes pleading as she sought out Regina's. Regina met her gaze as a shiver shot through her, pulsing down her spine and straight between her thighs. Her jaw went slack for a moment and she gaped at this girl who would turn into the woman she loved, perhaps loved even now as her pulse quickened at the way Emma was gazing at her. Emma's mouth began working; mouthing words that Regina couldn't understand or hear behind the thickness of the glass.

Swiftly the glass began heating beneath their palms and Regina wanted to pull her hands away as it began to bubble and melt but she couldn't seem to break the connection with Emma, whose mouth was still working to get her message across. As the glass disappeared and Regina's palms touched Emma's in flesh, skin and bone; Regina heart beat wildly, intensifying pulses rippling down her spine. Her head swam as she breathed in Emma's scent their lips inches from touching. Regina wanted to take hold of the blonde, pull her close and never let go and yet she couldn't let go as Emma's fingers laced with Regina's and clung to the brunette's hands. Her eyes still intently fixed on Regina's, mouth still forming words Regina couldn't hear.

* * *

Regina woke bathed in cold sweat, her aching heart racing as she untangled herself from the sheets. She replayed the dream in her head, knowing there was something there hiding just below the surface of her understanding. She closed her eyes, seeing only Emma, kissing the man, crying at her desperately from the other side of the glass. She remembered the hat consuming her, the odd blue force shield and suddenly crystal clarity washed over her. She knew what she could do, what she had to do.

* * *

**A/N2**: Your comments are awesome as usual! : )


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: **The Princess who will not be Sheriff.  
**Author:** **starbuck1980** (Livejournal and Tumblr)  
**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time  
**Pairing:** Swan Queen  
**Rating:** NC17/M for trigger warnings, language and sexy times.

**Summary:** When the curse finally brakes it changes everything. Continues on from The Girl who would be Queen. Please read first as this will contain references to and the character development etc will be the same. Mainly FTL but with some SB/RW scenes. Most probably dark & twisty knowing me.

**Trigger Warnings:** May contain references to: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. All rights belong to Disney/ABC. In this chapter there is a nod to Terry Goodkind's Wizard's Keep in Aydindril from The Sword of Truth series (another kingdom in Fairy Tale Land), those rights belong to Goodkind and I do not do them nearly enough justice. My minimal description is from memory alone.

**A/N:** Hopefully you're following where I am going with this…

* * *

Six.

The Wizard's Keep loomed ominously high above her, soaring to the heavens as the stars twinkled brightly on this clear and frosty night. The air was crisp and the wind bit sharply at her features as she pulled the hood of her heavy woollen travelling cloak over her head.

Beneath her cloak Regina wore a simple purple shirt and fitted leather jerkin on top of woollen underclothes. Her leather riding pants and thigh high boots guarded her legs from the cold and she was grateful for her selection as she pushed against the wind in the snow-dusted land.

The Keep was carved into the mountain and overlooked the prestigious town below. The only access to the Keep itself was a bridge that spanned the mouth of the wide crevasse between where she now stood and the fortress itself. She looked up, searching the walls, ramparts and the thousands of windows for any small glow that would betray life within. She squinted, her eyes roaming from top to bottom as she searched every nook and cranny but all was black and silent.

She knew it would be largely abandoned due to the war raging in the south but she also knew it was protected by magic and was careful to take every precaution. This would be the second time she had come to this land seeking answers and the path was harder than she had remembered. She gaped up at the Keep as she found herself rooted to the spot, a sudden fear flooding her.

The last time she had come here she was gathering the items she needed for the curse and breaching the Keep had almost cost her life. This time she knew she could breach the Keep's defences, she had the required magic, but calling forth her magic clouded her mind and pulled her toward a darkness within herself she had been fighting to escape. She had done well to resist the seduction with the small spells she had to perform on the road, her fear was that what was now required would pull her too close to the spiralling abyss that part of her just wanted to embrace.

She could feel the magic enveloping her, knitting it's way through her skin. _Why shouldn't they pay? _She wondered as the hate broiled within her, _Why shouldn't she storm their castle and take Emma? _

'Emma,' she exhaled silently as she felt the magic retreat. Just her name was enough to pull her to her senses. Regina took a deep breath and pressed on, after her second teleportation she had no longer been able to fully shake the tingle of residual magic beneath her skin. She would have to be increasingly vigilant or risk it pulling her back into the darkness that was so safely familiar.

After seeing Emma in the dream her presence was even more stubborn. Every time she closed her eyes she dreamt of Emma, of holding her, making love to her and never letting her go again. She had started her preparations for this trip the day after that dream and the memory of it had spurred her on ever since. She had hated the idea of coming back here after what it had cost her last time but this was the only way to get what she needed and so, with Emma's image in her mind she took another step. She made her way across the bridge in careful steps, feeling with all her senses after each movement to ensure she was not about to set off the magical equivalent of a trip-wire. The wind blew against her, harder now in the confines of the high-walled bridge, threatening to push her off her carefully sensed course. She planted her feet firmly in the prescribed places, knowing that a misstep could be the difference between success and maiming or death. The wizards had a sick sense of humour about security, but it was also highly effective. She passed another skeleton, crunching the bones of its wrist to create the proper footing.

She passed the bridge with much toil but without incident, pressing herself against the cold stone of the round tower at the other end to rest. She could feel the familiar hum of magic vibrating against her skin now that she was closer to the Keep itself and she tried to shield herself from it, from the lure within it.

The stone archway had no portcullis or gateway and she passed through it and entered the courtyard, a small paddock for horses on her right and the back entrance into the Keep itself on her left.

Once inside Regina swept her hand to one side and a lamp just above her head lit up causing a chain reaction as subsequent sconces began to light up in pairs around the anteroom with a resounding whoosh until the oval room was as bright as high noon. Immense red marble pillars shone to a high polish supporting the arches of a continuous balcony. The glass-domed ceiling above gave way to the stars beyond as the new moon shone brightly, giving the room a haunted glow. A deep red marble staircase swirled to the side of the room and Regina eyed it cautiously.

Regina's gaze swept around the room again, half expecting someone to jump out at any moment, but apart from the initial whoosh of light and the soft tinkle of water that came from the white clover-shaped marble fountain at the centre of the room, all was still. She pressed her back up against the cool smooth wall, her palms flat against the marble as she made for the foot of the stairway.

At the top she stood for a moment, her heart hammering inside her ribs as she searched her memory for the item she had come here for. She distinctly remembered passing it the first time she had come here and it had intrigued her so much she had stopped to gaze upon it. She had a good sense of direction but there were so many arches leading away from this balcony that she was disorientated for a brief moment.

She made her way to the fourth arch along from the stairs and as she passed under the archway the hum of magic buzzed sharply for a moment against her skin before it faded out, becoming nothing more than a tickle. Regina knew this was the first of many force shields the Keep would use to try to keep her out but she had been this way before and remembered it being much more unpleasant last time. Maybe the magic had remembered her, she mused absently. She waved her hand, conjuring a flame in the sconce above, and with the same whoosh as before the adjacent sconce flicked to life, lighting the next and the next as the winding corridor ahead was bathed in a flickering glow. The white marble floor seemed to shimmer beneath her feet as she carefully passed through the second shield, this time her skin itched but it was nothing more than an irritation that soon passed.

She continued down the hall until she halted in front of a doorway. Her feet had led her this far but her magic clawed angrily against her skin. As she reached for the handle it bubbled and burned inside her demanding attention like an insolent child. The ornate wooden door swung open and the place on her arm that had passed through the force shield itched fiercely. She pulled her hand back through as red welts began to appear across her hand and up her arm. Last time her skin had burned so intensely she thought her flesh might be seared from her bones. The fact that the magic was treating her more kindly was both a relief and a worry.

She held her breath as she passed through the unseen barrier and every inch of her flesh crawled ferociously as the magic of the force shield reacted with her own. As she passed through the other side and into the room she became increasingly aware of every welt as each rose beneath her skin bursting through her epidermis in angry red mounds. Regina glanced down at her arms, rubbing briskly. There was no point in getting rid of them until she had what she came for so she turned her attention to the room before her. The musty smell of old books invaded her senses as she walked amongst the stacks, the light from the rectangular windows dotted along the outer wall provided enough light to navigate her way to the far end.

Regina gazed up at the mirror on the far wall, the moonlight reflecting off the glass and onto her upturned face. She half expected Sydney to appear before her but of course his magic couldn't breach the barriers of the Keep. The simple decorative silver frame glinted back at her as the pattern swirled around the straight lines of the glass. She stepped closer, noting the welts on her face and down her neck before looking down at the plinth below the mirror. The book was exactly where she had seen it in the dream. She took it off the stand carefully, pausing for a moment to ensure she wasn't wrong about it being free from any guardian spell, and slipped it into the satchel she had slung over one shoulder. She took a step forward and ran her fingers over the edge of the mirror, her fingertips vibrating as her magic connected with the magic that kept the mirror locked to the wall. Her fingers swept around the edge as she muttered an incantation, the buzz intensifying momentarily before it stopped completely and the mirror fell into her awaiting hands.

* * *

Regina sat in her parlour staring at Jefferson's hat on the table in front of her. The mirror she had stolen was leaning up against the far wall and the book lay open in her lap. She pulled her legs under so she was sitting cross-legged on the large rectangular stool, her simple black nightgown hitching up to her thighs. The mirror was supposed to compliment the hat, they had been made as a pair by a wizard centuries ago but Regina was at a loss to see how to establish a connection between the two. The mirror was supposed to act as a viewing platform to enable more precise control of the hat but Jefferson had stolen the hat before he understood what it was truly capable of.

Regina's brow pulled together as she frowned, running a hand through her tousled dark hair before bunching a fistful into a tight grip as the anger rose up inside her. She was about to hurl the book across the room but she took a breath, quelling the anger before it had time to bubble to the surface. She turned to the mirror again, Sydney's face staring absently back at her. She scowled at him, aware that he had been watching with interest since she'd teleported back into her own home.

'Must you continue to stare at me?' She snapped venomously, acutely aware that she could not prevent him from doing so.

'Your Majesty…' He began slowly before she cut him off.

'You overreach Sydney, have you forgotten I am no longer a queen?' She bit back in retort, idly reaching for the ring around her neck, the ring Emma gave to her. She held it for a moment, looking at it with surprise. It had come through with her. It was then that her mind flashed back to the spell she had cast instinctively as the curse broke the same spell that had allowed her to keep Daniel's ring with her through the first transition. She smiled for a moment, holding it in her hand.

'What should I call you then? To me you are still the Queen you once were,' He said softly, watching her closely.

Her shoulders stiffened as Sidney's voice broke her from her reverie. She slid off the stool, leaving the book open on it, and turned away from him, a desolate frown consuming her features as the ache in her chest intensified.

'For Gods' sake Sydney!' Regina exclaimed as his face fell, 'Are you not angry with me for what I did to you? For what I did to everyone?' she lashed out wanting his hate, anything but this pitiful subservience.

His eyebrows rose slightly in surprise.

'No. I'm not angry,' he said simply, 'You freed me from this prison when you cast the dark curse and for twenty eight years I was free so no I am not angry.' He said in simple honesty, his eyes sparkling back at her, 'I love you as I always have.'

Regina turned away from him again, her shoulders slumping forward. Nausea rose within her at his forgiveness but she pushed it away, focusing on the book before her. She re-read the page in front of her, turning the page and reading more as a thought struck her. _Surely it couldn't be that simple?_

Regina stepped toward the mirror and for a moment Sydney flinched as if he thought she would break the mirror in frustration. Instead she picked it up and stepped towards the table where she had left the hat. As she approached the hat it began to glow, casting white light in a circle against the table before beginning to spin. With every step she took the hat spun faster until it was spinning at the speed required to open a portal. She pushed the table up against the wall behind her and sat the mirror next to the hat, leaning it against the stone wall. Despite the speed and the glow a portal did not open but suddenly the mirror went blank as it cast Sydney out. Yet instead of showing her where the portal led as it was supposed to, the mirror reflected the white light coming from the hat.

Regina growled in frustration as she picked up the book again and slumped back down on the stool. The book told her she needed an anchor, something that would link her to what she sought on the other side but what could that be? She stood up clutching the book against her chest; the only thing that made sense was her love for Emma, the memories of the two of them together. It didn't seem feasible but it was all she had. She closed her eyes and allowed her love for Emma to wash over her, ignoring the initial sting as memories flowed into her head: The first time she had kissed Emma in her bedroom in Storybrook, the taste of scotch on her tongue as she slipped it inside Emma's willing mouth. The first time she felt Emma's hands against her skin as she slid them beneath her t-shirt. The first time Emma told her she wouldn't leave and the subsequent times after that…

Regina let out a sob, clutching the book tighter as tears slipped down her face. She opened her eyes, willing the memories, willing her love to work. She watched the light from the hat flicker as it maintained its speed, purple smoke beginning to swirl upward as the mouth of the hat widened slowly. The mirror flickered like static on a television as images tried to gain focus. Regina snapped her eyes closed again, clinging to the memories inside her head. She thought about that scrawny girl from her dream, the baggy jeans, the short red hair and the ring through her nose, she clung to that time period willing it into existence and opened her eyes to see Emma through the mirror, a swagger in her step as she strode down the street with purpose. Relief washed through Regina but the image began to flicker, static building at the edges and Emma began to fade. The purple smoke receded back into the hat and the mouth was its normal size again. This time Regina heaved the heavy book across the room, screaming as it landed with a thump against the stone floor. Tears coursed down her cheeks as she picked up the hat and hurled that too, breaking the connection as it spun across the room and landed on its side. Regina crumpled to the floor, frustration turning into sadness.

* * *

Henry lay on his changing mat atop her bed. Regina had just taken off his dirty diaper and cleaned him up but he was a little sore between the creases of his chubby little thighs so she allowed him to kick for a moment as he gurgled up at her, his eyes bright as they focused on her smiling face. She spoke softly to him, running her hand across his brow before taking a hold of his soft little feet and lifting them to her lips she blew a raspberry on the sole of each foot. He squirmed for a moment, his eyes alight with joy, and as she gazed down at him smiling; the corners of his perfect rosebud lips began to lift slowly into his first smile. She let out a laugh, tears in her eyes to see her son echoing her own smile as she gazed lovingly down at him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: **The Princess who will not be Sheriff.  
**Author:** **starbuck1980** (Livejournal and Tumblr)  
**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time  
**Pairing:** Swan Queen  
**Rating:** NC17/M for trigger warnings, language and sexy times.

**Summary:** When the curse finally brakes it changes everything. Continues on from The Girl who would be Queen. Please read first as this will contain references to and the character development etc will be the same. Mainly FTL but with some SB/RW scenes. Most probably dark & twisty knowing me.

**Trigger Warnings:** May contain references to: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. All rights belong to Disney/ABC.

**A/N:** Apologies for the delay, we're having guests for two weeks so I'm trying to be sociable and not write the whole time. Your comments make this all worthwhile, so if you haven't before let me know if you like what I'm writing and where this is going! ; )

* * *

Seven.

Regina thrashed in her sleep, the sheets of her bed balled up in her tight grip. Beads of sweat dotted her creased up brow and her back arched as an unseen force constricted her throat. Sweat trickled between her shoulder blades causing her to shiver as her head thrashed from side to side. A strangled moan left her lips.

Emma, shaken awake by Regina's struggle, sat up suddenly and shimmied over to where she lay flailing. She placed a hand against Regina's shoulder, shaking gently as she lowered herself onto her elbow and whispered against Regina's ear. She smoothed down the brunette's hair and wiped the sweat from her brow before leaning her body against the sleeping mayor. Regina let out another strangled cry, tears slipping from her screwed up eyes as she fought against Emma's weight.

'Regina,' Emma murmured softly against her ear, 'I've got you, no one can hurt you now.'

Regina stilled for a moment and Emma took her shoulder again and shook more forcibly this time.

Regina's eyes snapped open and she let out a sob, her dark eyes connecting with Emma's in her moonlit bedroom. 'Don't leave,' Regina cried as she curled into Emma.

'I've got you. I'm not going anywhere,' Emma affirmed, folding her arms around Regina and pulling her closer as the brunette snuggled her head against Emma's chest, burying her nose in the crook of Emma's arm.

'You should, I don't deserve you,' Regina muttered, her words muffled against Emma's arm.

'Hey,' Emma moved slightly dislodging Regina as she took hold of the mayor's face between her palms. 'You _do_ deserve to be happy and I. Will. Not. Leave. You_ Regina_,' Emma punctuated.

Regina bit her lip as her name rolled off Emma's tongue and a shiver ran down her spine. She gazed up at Emma, tears fresh against her cheeks. Regina opened her mouth to speak but Emma pressed her forefinger against her lips.

'I cannot leave you Regina. I will not leave you. Even if you throw me out the door I'll find my way back._ I love you_. The good, the bad; all of it, all of you,' Emma affirmed, a lump rising within her own throat as she looked into ambivalent dark eyes, watching Regina shake her head slowly.

'I know you don't believe that you can be loved. That you don't believe you deserve to be happy or can be forgiven but I'm going to prove you wrong every day when I kiss you goodbye, every night when I kiss you goodnight and one day you will believe me,' Emma stated, her eyes staring unflinchingly into Regina's.

Regina continued to shake her head, the words she wanted to say falling still upon her tongue.

Emma sat up then, pulling Regina up with her. She reached with two hands around her own neck and fumbled with the clasp from one of her necklaces. She undid it, pooling it in her hand as she took Regina's hand in her own, opening her palm and looking into her eyes purposefully.

'Someone veryspecial gave this to me, a long time ago,' she said gravely, holding the chain at the top and letting the simple ring dangle just above Regina's palm. She slowly lowered it into Regina's open hand before letting go and closing Regina's fingers over the top of it, covering the closed hand with both of hers.

'Now I'm giving it to you as a promise that no matter what, I will be with you always. I will always find you and I will never leave,' Emma vowed. She cupped Regina's face and pulled her close, planting a chaste kiss against her salty lips.

Regina shook her head again, her brow creased as she gazed back at her lover.

'No. Emma, I can't take this,' she said, finally finding her voice, 'It's important to you,' she added as she tried to put it back into Emma's hand.

'So are you,' Emma said simply, closing Regina's fingers around the chain again, 'You're important to me,' she pushed Regina's closed hand and held it against Regina's heart, 'This way I am always with you and it will help you remember that I won't leave you,' she said, dropping her hand. Regina's closed fist remained at her heart.

'I know you don't like promises,' Emma continued, 'so think of this as…' she paused for a moment, pursing her lips, 'a guarantee.'

A smile crossed her lips as she held Regina's closed hand between her own before taking it and gently opening it.

'Here,' Emma offered as she took the chain from Regina's palm and placed it around the brunette's slender neck; she did up the clasp with her tongue between her teeth in concentration.

'Thank you,' Regina uttered softly, sliding the clasp behind her neck before tracing the curves of the ring with her fingers.

'C'mon, let's go to sleep,' Emma said smiling as she pulled Regina against her, wrapping her arms tightly around the brunette.

* * *

Regina woke sweaty and twisted in her sheets, her heart pounding and each breath coming quick and fast. She peered around her bedchamber warily, propped up on her elbows, half expecting her mother to be lurking in the shadows. She turned to her night table, clicking her fingers together and igniting a small flame. She lit the candle she kept beside her bed and pulled out her leather bound journal from the drawer, rolling onto her stomach and opening the book. She made a note of her nightmare, her feelings, her Mother's words, Emma's presence, and how she couldn't seem to reach out to her.

Regina's stomach twisted uncomfortably and she glanced down at the ring hanging inches from the journal. This wasn't enough; writing down every nightmare and flashback had filled up a third of the journal but her thoughts were still scattered. She needed context, to explain the actions behind the fear and the feelings that still resided within her. She needed to start at the beginning.

She took the ring her between her thumb and first finger, twisting it and threading her finger through it. She brought it up to her lips, feeling its weight against her lip. She closed her eyes, warmth spreading down her throat and pooling in her chest as she felt its significance.

She put down her quill and thought for a moment before closing her journal and pulling out the book she had stolen, Emma's ring still resting on her finger. She read the paragraph that had flummoxed her earlier:

_'…to ensure a stable and prolonged connection, an anchor to the past is required...'_

Jefferson's hat had almost worked with the power of her memories and her love for Emma but what if it needed something physical, something tangible from that past? A physical connection to Emma. She reread the words again, processing them until she was sure she had it right.

Regina placed her feet on the cold stone floor, still for a moment; her heart fluttered in her chest at the thought of seeing Emma again. If this worked how was she going to explain who she was? Could she just be content to stand back and watch? Would that be enough? But it would have to be enough. The book clearly stated it was unwise to meddle in the past and if the original timeline was to be preserved then Emma couldn't remember Regina; she couldn't make any kind of impression on her. Regina sighed and got to her feet, the restraint she would need momentarily forgotten as the desire to see Emma pulled on her very soul.

She strode into the parlour and picked up the hat from the floor where she had tossed it in anger, acutely aware that Sydney's eyes were on her. The hat began to glow in her hands as she approached the table where the mirror sat, and as she placed the hat down the mirror purged Sydney and began to glow as well. Regina stood in front of the table frowning; the stool bumping against the back of her calves. She paused and frowned at the setup, if she was to enter the portal she didn't really want to have to climb on the table first. Taking a hold of the mirror she leaned it up against the wall in between the large oak bookcase and the fireplace, placing the hat on the floor directly in front of it. Both glowed brightly as she stepped into position. She took hold of the ring and squeezed it tightly in her palm as the hat began to spin rapidly. She closed her eyes for a moment, guiding it, and when she opened her eyes purple smoke swirled around the mouth of the widening hat. She stepped back, fear gripping tightly at the knot in her stomach as Emma's image appeared in the mirror, her gait was the same as it had been before – confident and with purpose.

Regina's magic began to bubble beneath the surface of her skin, clawing in its need for release. She felt its dark pull as it screamed inside her, the magic of the hat and the mirror a teasing reminder that she had to keep her own in check as it angrily cursed her beneath her veins.

The mouth of the hat continued to widen as the smoke thickened, swirling around Regina and the rest of the room. Could she really do this?

She glanced at the mirror again, taking in Emma's short red hair and the ring through her nose. She held her breath and took a step before jumping into the void.

* * *

The alley way smelled like stale urine and garbage and Regina wrinkled up her nose in disgust as she surveyed the dumpsters on both sides of her. She looked up at a clear starless sky and then back at the portal swirling behind her, wondering briefly how she would get back if it closed. She gazed down at herself, wiggling her toes as the snow-covered gravel dug painfully into her bare feet; perhaps she should have thought this over a bit more thoroughly. She looked back down at her clingy silk nightgown and shrugged, it could pass as a dress but she hadn't considered what time of year it might be. For a moment she felt very naked as the icy wind bit at the bare skin of her arms and shoulders, apprehension sitting heavily in her chest.

Suddenly a horn honked and Regina jumped involuntarily at the intrusive noise, a car alarm sounded and then she heard the rush of an ambulance with the siren blaring, a plane overhead, dogs barking and then a gang of people shouting at the corner of the alley. The cacophony was deafening and for a moment Regina froze, fear churning in the pit of her stomach, clawing its way up her spine. She'd never been to a big city. Storybrook had been a sleepy town because she had made it that way and, having spent the last few months back in the Enchanted Forest, Regina had forgotten all about the sounds of the Real World.

Regina waited for the gang to leave before making her way towards the end of the alley, wincing with every icy step as the gravel bit into the soles of her feet. She looked around the corner first one way and then the other before stepping out onto the sidewalk. She stood for a moment gaping up at the tall buildings as someone collided into her, causing Regina to stumble backward hard against the wall of the building.

'Hey watch where you're going!' A woman snapped as Regina crashed into the wall.

Regina was just about to open her mouth in retort when she caught sight of piercing green eyes staring her down angrily, a shock of red hair and that familiar nose ring. Her breath caught in her lungs as her palms pressed against the wall for support. She stared up this younger Emma, her mind stilled into silence as Emma continued to glare angrily back at her. Regina put her hands up in apology and Emma turned away, striding angrily down the street.

* * *

Regina stepped out of the chill and into the smoky bar, squinting in the dim light. She had been passively following the red-headed Emma for almost twenty minutes; making careful note of every turn she took, aware she needed to be able to find her way back. Regina watched Emma stalk up to the bar and sit down before she slipped past a crowd of people and made her way towards the back of the bar where she could observe Emma without being seen. Feeling very naked Regina casually pulled a coat from the back of one of the nearby chairs, slipping it over her shoulders and sinking her hands into the deep pockets, feeling warmth for the first time that night. She slid into a booth in the corner to watch Emma, the red leather of the seats reminding her of Granny's.

Emma swayed on her feet, clearly already partially inebriated as she leaned over the bar, her fingers curling over the lip on the other side and her short skirt rising temptingly further up her slender thighs.

'Hey!' She yelled at the guy serving, annoyance in her tone.

Regina resisted the urge to cringe as her eyes roamed Emma's thighs, warmth pooling between her own thighs. The bartender continued to ignore Emma, chatting to a patron at the other end of the bar. Emma let out an audible groan as she leaned her head against her upper arm, glaring in the direction of the bartender, clearly unimpressed with the slack service.

'Yo! Who'd you have to fuck to get a drink round here?' Emma hollered crudely and the bartender turned a glare on her. This time Regina inwardly cringed as she resisted the urge to grab the girl by the arm and haul her out of this place. She couldn't be any more than seventeen and definitely didn't look old enough to be in this kind of establishment.

The bartender sauntered down the bar, slinging a towel over his shoulder. His greasy hair was tied back into a short pony tail and he chewed noisily on a piece of gum. Regina turned up her nose as he gave Emma a leery once over, clearly considering her offer. He picked up a glass, pulling the towel off his shoulder and drying it off as he stared Emma down.

'ID?' He asked casually, chewing his gum slowly, his mouth opening widely at every chew. Emma gawked up at him, her head back on her neck and her arms still draped over the length of the bar. She blinked back at him for a moment before reaching into her back pocket and producing what Regina already knew was most certainly a fake ID. Emma handed it over and the bartender squinted at it for a moment as he studied the photo and then Emma.

'You expect me to believe you're thirty-two?' He asked casually. Emma straightened slightly but kept her elbows on top of the bar, grinning up at him in pure bravado.

'I can be any age you want,' Emma stated, pulling her elbows together and sticking out her chest slightly to emphasise her cleavage, the V of her half zipped jacket gaping open slightly. Regina rolled her eyes.

'Get out of here before I call the cops,' the bartender said, dropping the ID and making his way back down the bar.

Emma scowled instantly, snatching the ID from the bar and shoving it back into her pocket.

'I didn't want a drink in your shitty ass bar anyway; it smells like piss in here,' Emma yelled, stepping backwards and almost tripping over a chair.

'Get out of here; it's passed your bed time,' the bartender shouted back in reply as she watched Emma head for the door.

'Fuck you!' Emma bellowed holding up her middle finger and flipping him off before stumbling through the door.

* * *

Regina made herself wait a whole ten minutes before she got to her feet and made her way to the door.

When she emerged into the cold she saw Emma slumped up against the wall rooting in her bag for something. Regina pulled the coat tightly around her, her bare feet crunching painfully in the snow. Next time she would be sure to check what she was wearing before jumping through the hat. Regina hesitated for a moment before glancing over at Emma who had one of her feet bent behind her, her foot against the wall, and an unlit cigarette hanging out of her mouth.

Regina's stomach twisted uncomfortably and she placed her palm over the pain, pressing down slightly. Her heart was pulling her towards Emma and more than anything, especially after the display she had just witnessed; she wanted to go to her and tell her that things would work out. She wanted to tell her that her parents were out there, that they loved her even though they didn't currently know about her. Guilt stabbed painfully through Regina's chest, twisting with the pain in her stomach, at the life Emma was forced to live because of her. Regina closed her eyes tightly, forcing the pain away and taking a step away from Emma towards the main street.

'Hey lady, you got a light?' Emma asked the cigarette still between her teeth. Regina froze, more than a little tempted to rip the disgusting thing from her mouth but she didn't dare. She half turned, refusing to allow herself to make eye contact.

'No, I don't smoke,' Regina stated before turning away and forcing herself back on to the street.

'Hey, do I know you?' Emma called after her, the words muffled through the cigarette still at her lips, but Regina made herself continue not trusting herself to do otherwise. She couldn't be remembered here, she told herself repeatedly so she forced her freezing feet to continue, the pain in her stomach growing with every step she took.

Regina's head began to pound and her heart began to race as she turned the corner into the alley way. The portal was still open and swirling but it seemed to pulse in rhythm to her pounding head. Her stomach hurt so much it was an effort to make it down the gravel path. She winced as the stones underfoot dug painfully into her frozen feet. She staggered the rest of the way, almost falling into the mouth of the hat.

Regina collapsed on the stone floor of her parlour, every inch of her body throbbing in pain as she struggled with her heavy breathing. Darkness edged her vision before everything went black, her body slackening against the cold stone.

* * *

**A/N2:** I need some encouragement; I am a little ahead but still…


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: **The Princess who will not be Sheriff.  
**Author:** **starbuck1980** (Livejournal and Tumblr)  
**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time  
**Pairing:** Swan Queen  
**Rating:** NC17/M for trigger warnings, language and sexy times.

**Summary:** When the curse finally brakes it changes everything. Continues on from The Girl who would be Queen. Please read first as this will contain references to and the character development etc will be the same. Mainly FTL but with some SB/RW scenes. Most probably dark & twisty knowing me.

**Trigger Warnings:** May contain references to: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. All rights belong to Disney/ABC.

**A/N:** I'm not very happy with this chapter and I've hit a block with the chapter I am currently writing so with every post that gap closes slightly. I don't want to get to the point where you're waiting for me to write each chapter so bear with me. Also we still have house guests so that might be why I've hit a block. Semi big revelation in this chapter, that ties up a loose end from the last fic.

* * *

Eight.

Regina glanced down at her Armani power suit, wondering vaguely where she would have gotten it. She was seated at a rough-hewn table in a tavern somewhere in the Enchanted Forest, a half filled tankard of some kind of alcohol in front of her. She lifted the tankard to her lips, the taste nondescript against her tongue. She swallowed deeply, the substance burning down her throat and heating the pit of her belly. She put the tankard down and glanced around; although she stuck out like a sore thumb in this suit no one was paying her any attention, almost purposefully so.

Something shifted into view as Regina turned her attention back to her drink. She didn't remember coming here, or even recognise where she was. In fact the last few hours, even days, seemed to be a blur in her clouded mind.

There it was again, that shifting, but she couldn't seem to focus her attention on it as it slid from her periphery. Regina turned towards the crude makeshift bar on the other side of the room, she could see someone standing there but her brain simply would not focus. She felt the recognition flooding her senses without the conscious understanding of whom, where or why. Her mind seemed to be a blank slate, she made herself look at the person, really look at them. She forced herself to stare, fighting to keep her eyes in place until she slowly came into focus. Curly blonde hair fell past the woman's shoulders and her tight fitting jeans and tacky red leather jacket all seemed very familiar but she was still unable to contextualise a name or place.

A hollow feeling ached through Regina, a void that could never be filled, isn't that what Maleficent had told her? As she gazed at this woman her heart tugged persistently with hope and pain intertwined. The woman's scent lifted to Regina's nostrils and sudden warmth flooded her heart, the feeling of being home.

With that sudden warmth came the urge to reach out and embrace her, to pull her against her own body. Regina rose from the bench. She stood still for a moment, hovering on the edge of the precipice as something held her back, some unseen force mixed with the weight of complication tugged at her being. She closed her eyes, fighting the force and willing herself into action. She walked over, pausing next to this woman, unable to refuse this overwhelming physical connection as her proximity eased the hollow ache within her chest.

Regina gazed down the bar beneath her fingers as the rough-hewn pine began to sparkle, leaving smooth polished oak behind as the magic traversed the length of the bar. The backs of Regina's thighs bumped into a leather covered bar stool and she pulled herself up, holding onto the shiny brass pole attached to the polished oak of the bar. She looked up into the mirror that spanned the wall behind the bar, the assortment of bottles lined up neatly on glass shelving.

She stared at her reflection in confusion and awe. Her intense dark eyes followed the more masculine contours of her reflection's face before noting the cropped thick black waves that replaced her long tresses. Her hand reached up in disbelief as her fingers grazed the visible stubble on her jaw. She gazed down at her own hands, taking in the masculine edge to her once slender feminine hands, and then over to her broad shoulders. Her fingers grazed down her now flat muscular chest and stomach. _What had happened?_ She blinked back at her reflection as horror fell across this face she no longer recognised, her fingers tracing over the one thing she still recognised; the scar across her upper lip.

'Rex.'

The woman's voice pulled her out of her thoughts as her fingers stilled. The name was foreign but at the same time oddly familiar. Regina turned on her stool to see the blonde woman staring at her, a grin spreading across her face as she curled her arms around Regina's neck. The blonde stepped between her thighs, pressing herself up against the muscular chest the brunette now owned.

Regina felt a stirring between her legs as the woman ran her fingers through Regina's thick wavy hair, turning Regina's face towards her own, the blonde's lips inches away.

Regina felt a violent wrenching before her consciousness was ripped from this man's body and she found herself a few steps back watching the two of them as the blonde pressed her lips against Rex's. Anger flared in the pit of Regina's stomach, her fists balled up tightly. An odd feeling began to wash over her as she felt the blonde's soft warm lips against her own, causing a moan to escape her own lips as her eyes slipped closed of their own accord. Her stomach dipped, warmth spreading through her. She saw the blonde in her mind, feeling this woman's body beneath her fingers and smelling the blonde's intoxicating scent. Her head swam deliciously and it took every last ounce of strength to continue to stand when her knees threatened to buckle.

Something grabbed her bicep sharply, hauling her to the left. Regina's eyes snapped open to see her mother standing in front of her, pinching Regina's bicep in a strong grip.

'Time to go Regina,' her mother snapped at her as everything went black.

* * *

Regina groaned as she tentatively lifted her head from the cold stone floor. Her whole body ached as if she had been in some kind of fight and then drank ten times her weight in alcohol. Her muscles felt frozen stiff, the throbbing in her head blotted out all attempts at thought and the effort of breathing made her nauseous. Yet she could feel the magic buzzing angrily beneath her skin, clawing through every vein in her body in an effort for attention.

For a moment she was unsure why she was in a heap on the floor of her parlour. She carefully rolled onto her back, lifting a heavy hand to rub her temple with the tips of her fingers.

It was then she saw the mirror glowing dimly in front of her. She lifted herself to her elbows carefully, taking deep breaths to avoid the lurching in her stomach from becoming anything more. She looked up to see the hat spinning slowly, its glow as faint as its counterpart. She sat up slowly, groaning aloud as the room spun around her. She tried to control the nausea with her breathing but the throbbing in her head made her breathing hurt and her stomach wrenched. Bile rose in her throat as she crawled hurriedly to the corner of her bedroom before vomiting violently into her chamber pot.

* * *

Regina sat back against the doorjamb, closing her eyes and hugging her knees to her chest. She wasn't sure which to process first: the time travel or the un-nerving dream. Seeing Emma both in reality and in the dream had been disconcerting enough but the actual touch of her beneath Regina's fingers had been so vivid that Regina could have sworn it happened. As the images played endlessly in her mind grief flooded her and she longed for it to have been real, for Emma to be here now.

Before she could truly process her experience any further she recognised the faint _'tap, tap, tap'_ against her bedroom window. She groaned again, pushing herself up the frame of the door until she was standing on shaky legs, her head still throbbing. Gingerly she made her way over to the window; really this wasn't the time for an impromptu visit. She noted the lightening sky with the approach of dawn and she wondered why he had come so early.

'This really isn't a good time.' Regina half groaned, holding herself up against the wall as she watched the little cricket fly through the window.

'I'm not sure I could ever come at a 'good time,' He pointed out jovially, taking off his hat and standing in his usual position on the bed post. Regina bristled for the briefest moment before she shook it off. She didn't have the patience for this today.

'You do know it's not quite dawn?' Regina asked, carefully picking her way to the edge of her bed. She rubbed her temples again, closing her eyes against the glare of the candle light.

'Oh apologies, I am fighting the nocturnal side of being a cricket again. Were you sleeping? What exactly are you wearing?' He asked, eyeing her carefully.

She looked up at him with bloodshot eyes before looking down at the long grey coat that she had stolen from the bar.

'Are you feeling alright? You look terrible,' He continued and Regina sighed thankful not to answer his previous question.

'Oh gee thanks, I need your _compliments_ like I need a hole in the head,' Regina stated drolly, raising her eyebrows, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth that was both amused and menacing. She wondered pointlessly if a hole would actually improve the feeling she currently had in her head.

'How have you been?' He asked, watching the hint of a smile fade as her face fell to a more pensive expression. She rubbed at her temples before walking slowly over to pour herself a cup of water.

'I'd offer you one but I don't exactly have any cups small enough,' she remarked, staring down at the glaze on the pottery of the cup, running her thumb over the pattern before he spoke again. If truth be told maybe she was a little glad to see him.

'So? How are things?' He asked again knowing by her evasions that he would need to be patiently repetitive. She looked up at him, taking a sip of water and coming to perch on the edge of the bed.

'Fine. Things are fine,' she stated casually with a bit of a careless lisp, the pain in her head making even talking a chore. She pursed her lips together, ignoring the slip of her tongue as she fought the overwhelming sense of exhaustion.

'You don't sound or look convinced by that statement,' He pointed out raising his tiny eyebrows.

'Well you know. I'm keeping busy,' Regina stated generally, shrugging when she ran out of nonspecific generalities.

'Doing?' He asked, turning his hat between his forelimbs.

Regina paused for a moment, her cup halfway to her lips. What was she supposed to say? _Oh I'm travelling through time to see my ex-girlfriend because I can't stand the thought of living without her?_ She folded one leg under herself.

'I've been keeping the journal like you told me to,' she replied blankly, taking a sip before placing the cup in her lap, gazing at the water within.

'How have you found that?' He asked placing the hat back on to his head.

'It's not enough,' she remarked honestly, the words slipping from her mouth without thought. She paused, looking out to see the first rays of morning sun peak behind white clouds. He waited for her to continue but when she rose shakily to stand by the still open window he fluttered closer, settling on her shoulder, the gentle weight pulling her from her reverie.

'Can you explain?' he added gently.

'I'm not sure how to explain it,' Regina stated, the cool breeze easing the throbbing in her head allowing her mind to clear. She stared down at the bottom of her cup, her heart heavy in her chest.

She strode over to where she kept the journal, placing her cup down. She pulled the leather-backed book from the drawer beside her bed, careful which book she pulled out. She heaved herself on to her bed, placing her back against the headboard as Jiminy floated onto the night table.

'It's just a bunch of jumbled up thoughts. It's not cohesive, it's not telling me anything,' she admitted, opening the pages.

'What had you hoped it would say?' He asked, looking down at her writing but taking care not to read any of it.

'I don't know, something more than this. It's just twisted dreams and emotions,' Regina said, exhaling heavily, deflated by its lack of ability to centre her.

'That's all it's really meant to be, isn't it?' Jiminy asked, looking up at Regina.

'I don't know,' she replied, rubbing her tired eyes. She was struggling with the feelings bubbling to the surface even now. She wanted that tension gone, but how could she explain her need to analyse her life and place it under the harsh scrutiny she somehow felt it needed? It was the past and yet she needed to explain who she really was, how she had been used and how she had used others. The thoughts tumbled around her brain as she frowned down at the open journal.

'Regina?' he prompted. Her gaze turned to the cricket on her night table.

'I need to make more sense of my life,' she said before turning back to the book in her lap, 'Who I am, who I was manipulated into being, what I was born for,' she admitted softly, turning her gaze to him again.

'What do you mean who manipulated you? Do you feel you were born to be something specific?' He asked frowning, clearly not following her train of thought.

She bit her lip, as her gaze drifted back to the journal. She took a breath, they were about to break new ground.

'I,' Regina faltered unsure how exactly to explain. 'I was born to be The Evil Queen,' she began hesitantly before he interrupted.

'Now Regina, I know you think that but…'

'No,' she snapped, before taking a deep breath, 'you don't quite understand, let me finish?' She asked gently and he gave a brief nod. 'My mother was unable to conceive naturally,' she paused again, taking a sip of water to wet her suddenly dry mouth.

'She made a deal with The Dark One or I should say 'they' did, my mother and father,' Regina took a fortifying breath to fight the lump threatening to catch the words in her throat. 'Henry Mills Sr. wasn't my biological father,' she stumbled again, choking on the words out.

'The Dark One is your father,' Jiminy finished for her, watching a silent tear escape down her pale cheeks.

She nodded silently unable to meet his gaze, ashamed of the reality of who she was.

'He knew what impregnating my mother would do to her. He knew it would plant a seed of darkness in both her and in my own heart but he also knew that mine needed certain encouragement to grow,' she explained, unable to stop the flow of tears streaming from her eyes. She had no strength left to care or stop the swell of emotion escaping. Seeing Emma, touching Emma, and then losing her all over again combined with the physical toll of the magic on her body left her defenceless against the flood that was now bombarding her.

'The abuse,' Jiminy said softly as Regina closed her eyes against the onslaught, nodding silently. He let her take a moment, watching as she placed her hands over her face and tried to hide her tears from him. He floated carefully to her shoulder, hoping that would give her some comfort now that he had no other way of providing it. She flinched for a brief moment but relaxed and withdrew her hands.

'I need to make sense of everything I know, start at the beginning and just write it all down,' Regina said as her brain caught the hint of something familiar, something connected that hovered outside of her ability to see it.

'I think that would be very beneficial indeed. How did you find out about all of this anyway? Did you know before the curse?' Jiminy asked, flying back to the table to have a better view of Regina's features.

'No. I found out before my mother reappeared in Storybrook. Emma…' She stumbled over her name, almost losing the minimal control she had gained before taking a breath and letting it out slowly as it shuddered through her chest.

'Emma was sent a book about my past, kind of like a biography,' her words stopped as the thought hovering outside her view came sharply into focus. A look of realisation creased her features and she blinked rapidly for a moment, her tears drying on her pale cheeks. _It couldn't be, could it?_

'What is it?' Jiminy asked, as he watched her face change.

'The book Emma was sent. What if it was actually written by me?' She uttered, her shocked face changing into a smile of comprehension as she laughed lightly, exhaustion overwhelming her. 'I always wondered who would know enough to write that damn book. I thought for sure it was The Dark One but what if it was really me all along?' She spoke rapidly, the words forming in her brain as they left her lips, paying no mind to Jiminy or his inability to understand the background to her statements. He frowned back at her as she laughed again.

'It doesn't make sense, how could you have written it, when you didn't find out about who your true father was until Emma was sent the book?' I'm assuming it was after you began your relationship?' Jiminy pointed out.

She nodded rapidly, 'It makes perfect sense!' She exclaimed suddenly, pressing her lips together before she said anything more. How could she explain this to him without giving away her involvement with the hat?

'How?' He asked sceptically with one eyebrow cocked.

'It just does. You're going to have to trust me on this,' she said, 'I was so damn mad at Emma for reading that book and it was me the whole time!' She exclaimed to herself, her mind was whirling in a thousand different directions. She watched as the candle on the night table spat and guttered out, the flame drowning in a pool of hot wax.

Regina put out her hand, beckoning him forward and he hopped her on to her open palm.

'I know you don't understand but this is what I was missing, the need to explain who I am, who I truly am,' Regina chattered and for a moment Jiminy saw a glimpse of Henry, this was the first time he had seen true delight dawn over her features and it was somewhat of a curiosity to him.

'It had to be me; I can't believe I didn't see it before,' she continued to herself.

'I don't understand but if you think it will help then I think it's a good idea. Just remember to be objective. Don't blame yourself for everything,' he replied, smiling up at her as a frown creased her brow. Silence descended before Regina could stifle a yawn, feeling completely drained from the day's events.

'Well it looks like I should let you get back to sleep,' Jiminy offered.

Regina nodded vaguely, still trying to process everything as she watched him drift towards the window.

'Thank you,' Regina said softly.

He turned back, nodding, 'I'll see you soon Regina,' he said and flew out through the window.

Regina watched him leave before curling up under the covers of her bed and slipping into a deep dreamless sleep.

* * *

**A/N2:** Anons, Anons, lovely Anons! So many Anon comments on the last chapter, thank you! And thank you to the regulars who always comment. 3 Hit the button and leave me a comment! ; )


	9. Chapter 9

**Title: **The Princess who will not be Sheriff.  
**Author:** starbuck1980 (LJ/Tumblr/Twitter)  
**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time  
**Pairing:** Swan Queen  
**Rating:** NC17/M for trigger warnings, language and sexy times.

**Summary:** When the curse finally brakes it changes everything. Continues on from The Girl who would be Queen. Please read first as this will contain references to and the character development etc will be the same. Mainly FTL but with some SB/RW scenes. Most probably dark & twisty knowing me.

**Trigger Warnings:** May contain references to: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. All rights belong to Disney/ABC.

**A/N:** Omg you guys, I loved your comments after the previous chapter! I have to say some of you are way off, whilst others are spot on. I love hearing your theories so hit me with them! I'm not giving anything away though, where would the fun be in that. ; )

* * *

Nine.

The sun was high in the pale blue sky. Snow sat on a blanket in the apple orchard with Emma seated between her outstretched legs, her back straight. She wobbled occasionally but didn't fall and Snow's heart swelled with pride as she watched her little girl holding herself up to gaze at the trees heavy with white blossom. The wind ruffled Emma's downy blonde curls and she let out a contented giggle as the blossom swayed in the breeze, scattering petals down on to the two of them like snowflakes. Emma swayed as she waved her arms excitedly in the air, toppling over against her mother's leg. Her brow crumpled but she didn't cry.

'Hey there little one,' Snow soothed softly as she lifted Emma, turning her daughter to face her. 'You liked that huh?'

Emma gazed up into Snow's face, watching closely as her mother's smile widened. Emma followed suit, giving her mother a beaming smile that showed the two bottom teeth that had come in. Emma gurgled in response as she stood on two sturdy legs, taking hold of Snow's finger to balance herself. Snow reached for the small handheld mirror in her bag, propping it against the trunk of the nearest tree. Emma loved to gaze at her own refection and Snow sometimes wondered if Regina had ever appeared in it for Emma.

James approached the blanket smelling of horses and Emma's gaze switched from Snow to her father, her smile widening to a grin as she waved her arms in his direction. He swooped down to pick her up and she nuzzled against his rough cheek as he turned to kiss her own chubby one. She giggled happily as she placed her thumb into her mouth and began to suck contently, reaching up to curl a strand of her own hair around her finger.

'Are you having a wonderful time out here with mama?' James asked his daughter as he dropped to his knees next to his wife before leaning over to kiss her.

'You love being out here don't you Emma?' Snow replied smiling back at the two of them. James's leathers creaked as he sat beside her, his own legs outstretched. He placed Emma on his thigh as his arm encircled her, her eye lids began to droop as she leaned back against her father. Snow reached out brushing the curls away from Emma's face.

'Is it time to stop searching?' Snow asked delicately as her gaze flittered between her husband and daughter, her brow furrowed.

'Maybe. It's been eight months. I think if he was here we would have found him by now,' James said softly as Emma's eyes began to close, he lifted her legs across his lap so her head nestled in the crook of his arm.

'What if we give up and someone has him?' Snow asked, searching James' face for some hint that she could be right. He frowned for a moment before answering,

'Who would have him? Like you said before; his mother is a baby, how could he possibly exist? He was not born of this world,' James replied, confirming the suspicions they both had concluded over the past few months.

Snow nodded sadly, a tear slipping down her sun-blushed cheeks. James reached up and with his thumb and brushed the tear away, wrapping his other arm around her and pulling her close as she shifted to lean against him.

After a moment Snow moved again, looking up into her husband's face,

'I should take her back to the nursery,' she stated, her gaze slipping to her sleeping child.

'No let me, I need to get cleaned up anyway. I reek of horse,' James replied as he shifted on the blanket. Snow grinned up at him as he moved Emma to his shoulder. 'I'll come back in a bit, okay?' He added and Snow nodded.

She stared after them, watching James stroll back to the castle before she lay back on the blanket, her arm draped over her eyes. She breathed in deeply as the wind showered petals around her, the scent of apple blossom lifting to her nostrils.

'How can you be sure Henry doesn't exist?' a familiar voice asked beside her.

Snow froze for a moment, the voice she hadn't heard in eight months coming as something of a shock to her, emitted from a mirror propped against a tree.

'How are you Regina?' Snow asked as she rolled onto her side, her hand coming up to bear the weight of her head, the swell of her breast visible as the V of her dress gaped open slightly. Concern flooded her features as she gazed upon Regina, 'you don't look well, Regina,' Snow observed, compassion clear in her voice.

'I'm fine. You didn't answer my question,' Regina replied, an edge to her voice as she gazed back at Snow.

'No I guess I didn't,' Snow said sighing. 'I'll answer yours, if you agree to answer mine?' she offered, playing with the locket around her neck as she regarded Regina. Regina scowled but Snow could tell her heart wasn't in it.

'Very well,' the older woman agreed, her voice losing its hard edge.

'I am as loathe to stop looking as you are but it's been eight months,' Snow stated idly.

'I am aware of how long it has been,' Regina almost snapped before she softened her tone and Snow blinked back at her for a moment.

'I'm sorry, time seems to fly around here but I am sure it's not the same for you,' Snow said slowly.

Regina looked away, swallowing the lump that rose to her throat. She looked back and Snow could see the tears glistening in her former step-mother's eyes.

'James has conducted many searches, we've consulted wizards and they all agree the same thing. Henry was not of this world and time was reset,' Snow explained, watching as a tear slipped down Regina's cheek, all hope evaporating from her eyes. Regina nodded as she looked away again desperately trying to control her emotions in front of Snow.

'I should go, I was wrong to reveal myself to you. I apologise,' Regina stated as she cleared her throat.

'Wait,' Snow asked with a hint of desperation. Regina always had a habit of disappearing in the middle of conversations. 'You never answered _my_ question,' she added, taking hold of the base of the mirror and sitting up. Her long hair flopped forward over her shoulders. Regina paused biting her lip unsure whether to stay.

'I told you, I'm fine,' Regina stated knowing full well she didn't look it.

'I don't believe you,' Snow said softly, adjusting so that she leaned up against the tree.

'I'm tired, that's all. Hasn't Jiminy informed you that I am doing okay?' Regina asked an edge of annoyance to her voice.

'He doesn't elaborate but yes he says you are doing better,' Snow acknowledged and Regina bit back the urge to laugh.

'There you go then,' Regina stated, releasing a breath she hadn't even realised she was holding.

She was about to place the mirror down when Snow spoke again.

'I think about you a lot, you know?' Snow admitted quietly, nervously playing with her locket again. Regina turned back to face the mirror, her eyebrows raised in confusion. 'I mean, I wonder how you're doing all alone out there. I sometimes think about telling Emma about you but I'm not sure what to say…' she trailed off.

'As I said, I am fine,' Regina replied tersely, taking a breath to steel herself against the hurtful pang in her chest. 'Don't tell Emma,' she added softer, 'She wouldn't understand and it's not fair on her.'

'What if you were her true love?' Snow asked sadly, an eyebrow cocked as she tried to catch Regina's gaze. Regina looked down, purposely avoiding Snow's gaze; she pursed her lips as her heart fluttered in her chest.

'If I am then we will meet again someday,' Regina said between gritted teeth as a sob gathered force within her. 'Goodbye Snow,' she added, placing the mirror face down on her dressing table before Snow had a chance to respond.

* * *

_Why did she keep doing this to herself?_ Regina asked herself as she forced the emotions back down. It had been two days since Jiminy's visit, just over two days since she had made it back to the enchanted forest from Emma's timeline and she could barely stagger to the privy without her head spinning. She had slept for a full day after he had left, waking up with an unquenchable thirst. She had drunk all the water she could lay her hands on and still it wasn't enough. She thought of the well but she couldn't force her legs to work enough to make it beyond her house before she collapsed again and sleep consumed her.

She braced herself to move from the chair where she now sat, her legs felt stronger now but the faint ache in her body still hampered her movements. Her head had ceased its throbbing but was still occasionally making her dizzy. She eased herself to her feet and walked slowly into the parlour. Her journal was spread out on the table with a new leather bound notebook sitting next to it. When she had been able to leave her bed without her head pulsating against her skull she had begun making notes about what she would put into the book that Emma had read, the book that had started all of this.

At first she wondered whether she should do this, she knew she could use the hat to plant the book in Gold's shop but it would be equally as easy to ensure the book never existed. Yet the more she thought about it the more she knew she had to. Although she had been content with hating Emma, content with being at loggerheads with the sheriff, she now knew what it felt like to be forgiven, to be accepted and to be loved. How could she allow that to slip through her fingers? The Regina of Storybrook may have been content in her ignorance but the Regina she was now knew that she couldn't take that discovery away from her former self.

She sat down on the stool in front of the hat and wondered how long it would be before she felt up to another trip. Maybe tomorrow? If truth be told she was desperate to go back, to see Emma again, but the trip had cost her so much of her strength. She hoped it would get better with each trip; she certainly hadn't felt like this when Jefferson had taken her to Wonderland, but for those trips he had been wielding the magic and they hadn't been transcending time. She sighed softly and turned back towards her bedchamber. Maybe a nap would clear her head.

* * *

Regina woke the following morning, her strength returning to her with every bite of her bland porridge. She dipped her spoon in the honey pot, stirring a spoonful through her porridge, and decided that she would try again. Excitement buzzed in the pit of her stomach at the prospect. She finished up and placed her bowl in the bucket for cleaning later. She strode across the room, donning the coat she had stolen and automatically sinking her hands into the pockets. She brought out the small change purse, opening it to see how much money it contained and finding a substantial wad of cash as a pang of guilt washed over her at having stolen this money. She had chosen to wear her leather pants, a simple white shirt and had made sure to put her boots on.

She stepped up to the hat, clutching at the ring around her neck and thinking of the last time she saw Emma, her image appearing in the mirror with crystal clarity. She found this time she didn't need to focus as intensely as the first time before the purple smoke began to swirl around the hat as it spun faster and faster, the mouth widening with each spin.

Regina felt her magic begin to pull beneath her skin; it was like it reacted to the magic of the hat in a jealous desperation to be released. She ignored as best she could, stepping into the void the hat had created.

* * *

Regina waited on the corner of the alleyway expecting Emma to pass as she had done before. She glanced up at the grey sky, the snow had almost melted and fine rain misted the air in oppressing dampness.

Sure enough Emma passed the alleyway, hands shoved in pockets and her body slumped downward against the cold and wet. She looked miserable Regina noted with a pang of guilt. She allowed her to pass to a comfortable distance before Regina stepped out onto the sidewalk and it wasn't long before Emma headed into a dingy looking café-bar.

Regina paused in the doorway unsure of her next move. She shoved her hands into her pockets and her fingers felt the small change purse that she was now very thankful for. The wind was picking up and the rain was turning into large drops. A drop fell on the back of Regina's neck, sending a shiver down her spine as she pushed open the door. Warmth hit her as she stepped inside.

'You're late!' an overweight balding man with thick grey stubble yelled at Emma.

She gave him a sullen glare, tying the string of her overly large apron twice around herself and stalking into the kitchen, the man at her heels.

Regina sat down at a table in the window, the place reminding her of a more upmarket version of Granny's. She removed her coat and hung it over the back of the chair. The establishment wasn't as dingy as she first thought when she had looked in from outside, it had a warm atmosphere and had obviously been recently refurbished.

The long counter dominated most of the room, the polished oak running almost across the whole length. Regina gaped at it for a moment, taking in the long mirror behind it and the glass shelving, its familiarity striking a cord in her brain.

The bartender dried clean glasses behind the bar, catching her staring.

'The waitress won't be a moment,' he called out casually, glancing towards the kitchen. The raised voices of Emma and perhaps the owner reverberated through the oak swing door.

'Get to work,' He yelled as Emma came through the door clearly upset, her chin jutted out and a scowl was fixed upon her brow.

She grabbed a notepad and pencil from behind the bar and went over to a table close to Regina's. The place wasn't too busy but at this time of day it seemed only one waitress was employed and with Emma's late arrival people were beginning to get antsy.

'About time!' the man at the table snapped, 'we've been waiting for over half an hour!' he continued to grouse, matching Emma's former scowl. Emma gave him a tight lipped smile, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes.

'I'm sorry for the delay,' Emma said with reluctance, her voice shaking slightly as she took their order. She took the note to the kitchen and stood behind the bar for a moment gathering herself. Both the owner and the bartender remained oblivious to her distress and a pang of sympathy shot through Regina's heart.

Emma looked up, her eyes connecting with Regina's as she felt her gaze upon her. Emma blinked away the tears, her brow creasing, clearly thinking that Regina was about to complain too. Regina shot her a sympathetic smile but that only seemed to make the tears return. All Regina could think was how she wanted to go over there and pull Emma against her, holding her tightly and reassuring her that it would be okay, that whatever the issue might be her life _would_ get better. But whatever Emma was going through Regina couldn't get involved she reminded herself sternly. This scrawny girl that Emma was now had to follow her life's path.

Emma moved around the bar, heading straight for Regina's table and Regina knew she should move; leave now before it was too late. In her mind it was happening in slow motion but as much as her brain told her to leave her body wouldn't budge. She seemed to be caught up in Emma's gaze, trapped by the vivid green of her eyes.

'Hi, what can I get for you?' Emma asked the first to break eye contact. Regina hadn't even looked at the menu and Emma glanced over to it, still in its holder at the side of the table. Regina followed her gaze, smiling briefly before folding her hands together on top of the table and looking confidently up at Emma.

'Coffee, black. Thank you,' she stated simply and before she could stop herself she reached out and grabbed Emma's wrist as she turned with a nod to leave. Regina pulled gently and Emma's eyebrows rose as she half turned, throwing a murderous glare in Regina's direction. For a moment Regina thought she was about to be on the receiving end of Emma's pent up anger but, as her eyes sought out Regina's, her face softened. Regina's stomach dipped as their eyes met, tiny sparks tingling up her spine from her grip on Emma's wrist.

'Was there something else?' Emma asked with an edge to her voice that she tried to cover up, eye contact remaining fixed. Regina loosened her grip but kept her fingertips against Emma's arm, unable to bring herself to break that simple touch.

'Don't let them get to you, Emma,' she said softly.

The blonde frowned down at her then but made no move to distance herself from Regina's touch.

'How do you know my name?' She asked confusion evident on her face. Regina pointed up to the name badge positioned above Emma's left breast and Emma smiled then, a smile Regina remembered well. The very presence of it caused her heart to flood with warmth.

'I'll try to remember that,' Emma said again, turning away and finally breaking contact, the loss hitting Regina far harder than it should have.

Regina braced herself against the table, the blood rushing through her ears as her heart pounded wildly. What was wrong with her? She couldn't allow this to happen but her body seemed poised to betray her whenever Emma came within close proximity.

Emma brought her coffee over, its delicious aroma filling the air, and Regina breathed in deeply, revelling in that simple smell. _God how she had missed it._ She took the cup eagerly as though she was worried Emma would take it away again.

'Have we met?' Emma asked casually, noting Regina's eagerness. As she heard Emma's words her heart shot up into her throat.

'No, I don't think so. I haven't been in here before,' Regina stated, trying desperately not to look up into Emma's face as the blonde stood studying her.

'Yes, the other night at the club downtown. I asked you for a light,' Emma stated, drumming her pencil against the pad of paper.

'No, I would remember. I'm not from around here,' Regina answered quickly, taking a sip of coffee and savouring it smooth taste against her tongue.

'I'm sure it was you,' Emma shrugged and then added, 'thank you though for what you said, I woke up late,' Emma half-heartedly explained.

Regina looked up then, Emma's bright eyes dancing against the dark of her own.

'People are always so mean,' she added as Regina nodded up at her, empathy edging her eyes.

'Just don't take it to heart, sometimes people don't mean to be bitchy,' the words were out of her mouth before she realised what she was saying. _Damn_. She bit her lip as she looked up at Emma who was hanging off her every word, her eyes still connecting with Regina's.

'Emma!' the owner yelled from behind the bar, causing Emma to jump and pulling her gaze away from Regina. A scowl consumed her face as she turned back.

'Enjoy your coffee,' Emma added turning back to Regina momentarily, 'maybe you'll come back whilst you're in town?' she asked.

Regina gave her a small smile. Her head screamed at her to get out while she still could but, again, her body refused to move. The proximity to Emma was too strong and the coffee was too good. She turned her gaze to the street outside, a tight feeling pulling her stomach into a bundle of knots.

* * *

Comment! ; )


	10. Chapter 10

**Title: **The Princess who will not be Sheriff.  
**Author:** **starbuck1980** (Livejournal and Tumblr)  
**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time  
**Pairing:** Swan Queen  
**Rating:** NC17/M for trigger warnings, language and sexy times.

**Summary:** When the curse finally brakes it changes everything. Continues on from The Girl who would be Queen. Please read first as this will contain references to and the character development etc will be the same. Mainly FTL but with some SB/RW scenes. Most probably dark & twisty knowing me.

**Trigger Warnings:** May contain references to: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. All rights belong to Disney/ABC.

**A/N:** I am losing the will to live with this fic, someone find my muse and mail her back to me. Your comments are my encouragement.

* * *

Ten.

Regina woke up on the cold floor of her parlour, every muscle in her body screaming with pain. Her stomach roiled as she sat up and her head spun with the effort. She crawled on her hands and knees over to the stool and eased herself up on to it. _What the fuck is wrong with you?_ She asked herself, replaying the events in her mind.

Her body betrayed her even now as she thought about her fingertips against Emma's arm and her eyes roaming her lithe body. She groaned aloud, closing her eyes as fatigue tugged persistently at the recesses of her mind. She wanted Emma to consume her, to wallow in the thought of that touch, the physical connection that she couldn't recreate in this place. No one looked at her the way Emma did. Even without knowing who she was the connection was still there, drawing Emma to her.

Regina gathered herself together, shrugging off the coat and easing herself to standing. Her head spun for a moment but she remained standing, waiting for the dizziness to pass before she made her way into her bedchamber. She collapsed onto the bed, not caring that she was still fully clothed, and was asleep within moments.

* * *

Darkness consumed her in waves, pulsating to the rhythm of her heart beat. Images ebbed and flowed, shuttling between the clarity of light and opaque darkness. She could feel warm hands against her, pulling at her clothes and easing them over her skin with delicacy. Her heart thudded in her chest as dark red hair came into focus. Her body felt strange, every inch feeling like it didn't belong to her. As the darkness eased she gazed up into vibrant green eyes and it was then she knew what was happening. She pulled Emma down on top of her with a fervent desire that welled up from the pit of her stomach. Her tongue dipped inside Emma's mouth, claiming it and expressing the need that begged to be released. Emma's fingers ran up the sides of her body, every inch of her skin feeling like it was on fire as she continued tracing a path across broad shoulders that she knew didn't belong to her and down a muscular chest where dark hair curled sparsely. The feeling of Emma's fingers against her skin was too overwhelming and the oddity left her mind as Emma kissed down her neck, nipping the smooth skin and sucking against one of the veins. Emma straddled unfamiliar hips, rocking into the wider pelvis Regina's consciousness now inhabited and it was then she felt the stirring between her legs, the blood rushing to the member she had not previously owned.

She reached up, running fingers lightly up Emma's arms before pulling her back down and hungrily claiming Emma's mouth against her own. Emma traced a stubbled jawline with her fingertips, curving up Regina's cheek to her now short hair. She ran her fingers through the thick dark strands and tugged gently, clutching them tightly in her fist. Regina lifted her head from the pillow in an effort to get closer, to mould herself into Emma's deliciously warm body. She wound her own fingers in the short tufts of Emma's hair, remembering the feel of it knotted between her fingers when it had been longer. She slid one hand down and cupped Emma's breast, flicking a hard nipple with the tip of her thumb and earning a guttural moan from Emma.

'I want you inside me,' Emma moaned softly into her mouth as she slid her hand down the length of her transformed torso, as Regina felt suddenly self-conscious in the wake of this new appendage. She felt it throb, responding to Emma's touch, pulsating in a need she hadn't experienced before. Emma's fingers curled around its shaft and she had the overwhelming need to be inside Emma in a way she never had. She wanted to feel this sensitive part of her surrounded by Emma's depths and feel Emma throb around her as she came. Emma shifted, lifting herself to allow Regina to enter her as darkness began to creep in at the corners of Regina's mind, angrily jolting her consciousness from the dream. She desperately tried to cling to Emma as the dream slipped away, nausea mixing uneasily in her stomach as she was forced back into her own form. She squeezed her eyes shut, both to combat the nausea and to retrieve the dream. Her fingers grasped for Emma but found only fistfuls of linen.

* * *

Regina's eyes snapped open, a wave of nausea hitting her hard before quickly retreating. Her back was arched uncomfortably and her leather pants chaffed harshly against the wetness she felt between her thighs. She looked down in relief at her normal body and ran a hand over her stomach and breasts, her nipples taut in arousal beneath the thin fabric of her shirt. _Why the fuck did she keep dreaming about being a man?_ She cupped the mound between her legs, rubbing furiously at her clit in an attempt to stop the annoying throbbing of her arousal. Regina groaned aloud as the touch only made it throb harder. She unlaced her pants, easing them over her hips and thighs until she was able to kick them off.

The brunette pulled the sheet up over her legs and stared at the ceiling. She tried to shake the feeling of Emma's skin beneath her fingers but every nerve ending felt as though it were on fire, an imprint left by a phantom. She thought about the dream. As much as she wanted to put it down to a random firing of her subconscious and her desperate libido she couldn't ignore it, not after everything else that her dreams had shown her. But what could she do about it? She couldn't exactly get to know Emma's younger self because it would interfere with the future… unless… the thought, when it occurred, was so obvious she nearly laughed out loud.

Hundreds of questions flashed through her head as she tried to make the idea a reality: Would her magic be able to sustain a disguise for that long a period? Would Emma of this age even trust someone, particularly a man, she didn't know? Did it have to be a man? Certainly that would give it the least possibilities of recognition. Would she be able to trust herself once she had gained Emma's trust? Would this tampering cause irrevocable consequences to the timeline? None of it seemed to matter now that the idea had taken root. The rest she would sort in the days to come. She sighed before turning over, excitement dwindling as sleep took hold. Her last thoughts were of Emma's smile and her fingers interlaced with Regina's.

* * *

Regina threw open the windows to the musty room, watching the cool breeze agitate the particles of dust as they floated in shafts of sunlight. She turned around to face the ceiling to floor bookshelves that lined the other wall, again thankful for her detailed contingency plan in case the curse had failed. The library was modest but all of her most valuable books had been transferred here for safe-keeping. She heaved a particularly large volume off the shelf and carried it with both hands over to the reading table by the window in the corner.

She remembered the potion she had concocted when she had transformed into the 'old hag' to try and persuade Jefferson to use the hat to help her rescue her father from Wonderland. She traced her finger over the writing before turning to the piece of parchment beside her and writing a list of ingredients she would need to procure.

The potion itself wasn't difficult to make but there were several things she would need to work out before she saw if her magic could be sustained in the Real World. Theoretically if she could take her clothes through and bring back inanimate objects such as the coat, purse and money she had stolen then going through to the other world 'wearing' a new skin shouldn't be a problem. What she didn't know was how long it would last on the other side, provided it worked at all. Would it affect the efficacy of the potion, making it last less than it's usual twelve hours, or would it never wear off as magic didn't exist in the real world and couldn't cause her to change back? She also couldn't risk time running out and then changing back suddenly, particularly in front of Emma, but she supposed tweaking the incantation to give her some kind of warning shouldn't be too difficult.

Regina rubbed her palm against the tip of her nose, expecting a sneeze from her ticking her sinuses. Nothing happened and she scrunched up her nose before turning back to the book and folding it over, marking the page with a feather in the crease. She was just about to pack up the rest of her things to head to market when something buzzed through the open window with such speed it hit the stacks and fell to the floor with an _humph_. With a frown Regina went over to inspect the little green bug,

'Jiminy?' She asked incredulously.

She picked him up between her thumb and forefinger and placed him in the palm of her hand. He sat quietly for a moment, rubbing his head.

'Regina,' He stammered urgently but he couldn't seem to get the rest of the sentence out.

'Rest for a moment,' Regina insisted, 'You came through the window at quite a speed,' she added as she walked back to the table, placing him on top of the leather bound book.

'…No time… You must come with me,' He muttered between pauses she now assumed were gasping breaths.

She frowned down at him then, his sense of urgency igniting panic within her chest. Were they finally coming for her? They couldn't possibly have found her.

'I'm not going anywhere. If they want me, they're going to have to fight to get me,' she stated coldly folding her arms over her chest as she scowled down at him.

'No you don't understand' _gasp_ 'Princess Emma' _gasp_ 'she's sick,' he stammered as he fought to control his laboured breathing. One of his wings was bent and he winced as he tried to make it flutter.

'What does that have to do with me?' Regina asked cautiously, 'I'm sure they have enough medics and advisors that they don't need me,' she said, still unsure that this wasn't some ploy to capture her.

'Queen Snow asked me to come and fetch you immediately, none of the medics can do anything and without modern day medicine the Queen fears the worst,' He told her in earnest.

'She told me I wasn't to return, upon pain of death,' Regina reminded him, 'and while Snow may have forgiven me, James has not,' she added, pre-empting his response as the ache in her chest urged her to help Emma and ignore all consequences.

'King James is away on important business and does not know of his daughter's illness. You healed King James when the curse was broken,' he reminded her, 'Queen Snow knows you can save Emma.'

Regina worried at her lip as she mulled over his words. He hadn't betrayed her location and had remained true since the curse had broken.

'I give you my word that no harm will come to you,' He reassured as though he could read her thoughts.

Regina nodded, knowing that she would save Emma even if it meant walking into a trap.

'Very well,' she relented, 'but we will do this on my terms and teleport into the palace. It will take too long on horseback anyway,' she said as she picked him up carefully and walked into her bedroom, placing him on her bedside table before turfing through her cabinets for cloth bags.

'I need to gather some herbs from my garden and then we will go,' she said as she picked him up again and placed him on her hand, 'I will need to save my strength if I am to heal Emma, I cannot heal you until after, I'm afraid,' she said sympathy furrowing her brows.

He nodded and she placed him carefully on her shoulder as she went out to the garden.

* * *

Regina and Jiminy materialised into the room to find Emma cradled in Snow's arms, half her little body resting against the mattress of Snow and James' four-poster bed. She whimpered softly, a fine sheen of sweat coated her brow and plastered her blonde curls to her head.

'Regina,' Snow exclaimed as she placed Emma against the pillows. She struggled out of her bed, untangling her legs from beneath the blankets, and staggered over to where Regina stood with her dark eyes glued to Emma's limp form.

Snow paused in front of the older woman, wanting to embrace her but unsure of how to act in light of everything that had happened. She tentatively reached out and grasped Regina's forearm in solidarity, snapping Regina out of her trance.

Regina shot a harsh glance down at Snow's hand, her insides crumbling as a lump rose into her throat. For a moment Snow feared rebuttal and pulled away but Regina blinked back at her, turning over her forearm to grasp at Snow's hand.

'How long has she been like this?' Regina asked as she all but pulled Snow towards the bed. She set Jiminy down on the night table as he nursed his broken wing.

'Like this?' Snow asked, trying to form the stretched out moments into actual time, 'Two days but she's not been right for the whole of this week, I thought it was just teething,' Snow explained, standing close to Regina as she watched the older woman stoop over her daughter.

Regina lowered a hand towards Emma's forehead, feeling the heat radiating from her small body before she had even touched her skin.

'Do you not remember anything of your time in Storybrook?' Regina snapped suddenly and Snow shrank away, taking a quick step back as Regina thrust the covers off Emma.

The child whimpered as she felt the cool air hit her body.

'We need to get fluids into her, fetch a basin of water with a cloth,' Regina ordered, barely registering the ramifications of speaking to the Queen in such a manner but Snow did as she was bid and scuttled from the room, shouting orders as she went.

Regina perched on the edge of the bed, smoothing Emma's damp curls away from her face. She closed her eyes and whispered a silent prayer that she had the strength to do what was required. She had been through the hat twice now and she was still physically exhausted from that exertion but the Emma of Fairy Tale Land couldn't die and she would do what was necessary even if it meant sacrificing herself in order to save her.

Regina bent over, leaning close to Emma's shoulder as the child whimpered, whispering softly that she would be okay. Emma opened her eyes at the unfamiliar voice as Regina planted a kiss against her cheek. Her eyes met the deep blue of Emma's that were now flecked with hints of green and Emma's small arms came up around Regina's neck, clinging tightly.

'Does she remember you?' Jiminy asked in a quiet voice from his position beside the bed. Regina shook her head, swallowing down the lump as it threatened to rise once again.

'I don't think so,' she replied, her voice hoarse from fighting the tears forcing their way to the surface. She pried Emma's fingers from around her neck, laying the child back against the pillows as Snow re-entered the room, an army of servants at her heels.

Regina moved to where the servants had left the basin of water and placed her hands around the sides of it, cupping it gently as she concentrated her power around the water inside; lowering the temperature until a thin film of ice coated the surface. She broke the ice and soaked the linen cloth in the water, ringing it out and handing it to Snow.

'Put this on Emma's forehead, she won't like it but make sure it stays on her head,' Regina instructed.

Sure enough Emma cried out, struggling to move away from the cold of the cloth but Snow whispered comforting words in her ear and exhaustion overwhelmed her need to fight.

Regina poured out a cup of water from the pewter jug and carried over to the bed where Snow still held the compress over her daughter's forehead. She positioned herself on the other side of Emma, scooping up the child's head in the crook of her arm she held the cup to Emma's lips; tipping the liquid into the child's mouth. Emma tried to swipe the cup away, her movements clumsy, but as her eyes connected with Regina's for a second time she began to drink thirstily.

'I'm going to begin but I don't know how much I will be able to do,' Regina warned, 'Sickness is not the same as a wound. It's more complicated than just healing and knitting the skin together,' she explained as she placed the cup down next to Jiminy. Snow looked up at her with wide eyes,

'Please just do what you can, I trust you Regina,' Snow begged, their eyes meeting over the bed.

Regina saw the tears brimming in the brown of Snow's eyes before she turned to face Emma once more. She placed her palms just above Emma's torso and closed her eyes, focusing her power. Just as she had done with Charming, a warm yellow glow began to emit from Regina's palms. Emma's breath stuttered out in a long sigh as Regina moved her hands over the child's chest and back down again.

No one spoke as Regina's hands hovered over Emma. How much time had passed Regina couldn't have said, it felt like an eternity, and when she finally felt like she could continue no longer Emma opened her eyes, her fever breaking as she smiled up at her mother.

Snow's tears overflowed as she gazed happily down at her child. She glanced over to Regina to thank her, taking in her ashen face and noting her back, curved over as though as didn't have enough strength left to hold herself up.

'Regina? Are you okay?' Snow asked as she reached for the older woman but as her fingers curled around Regina's bicep Regina fell forward, collapsing against the pillows in a state of exhaustion.

Regina saw only Emma's eyes and the white of the sheets before darkness crept in, grasping at the recesses of her brain as she fell unconscious.

* * *

**A/N2:** Yes Regina will turn into a man. Yes I'm going there & yes there will be smut.


	11. Chapter 11

**Title: **The Princess who will not be Sheriff.  
**Author:** Starbuck1980 (livejournal/tumblr/twitter)  
**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time  
**Pairing:** Swan Queen  
**Rating:** NC17/M for trigger warnings, language and sexy times.

**Summary:** When the curse finally brakes it changes everything. Continues on from The Girl who would be Queen. Please read first as this will contain references to and the character development etc will be the same. Mainly FTL but with some SB/RW scenes. Most probably dark & twisty knowing me.

**Trigger Warnings:** May contain references to: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.**

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. All rights belong to Disney/ABC.

**A/N:** OMG seriously overwhelmed with the amount of comments on the last chapter, I don't think I've ever had so many for a chapter on this fic. SO THANK YOU, you definitely managed to kick my muse in gear (the angst in my life helped with that too). So you guessed my plan, I'm not going to say what it is because I know some of you haven't but to those who have yes, yes, yes… LOL AND I am super excited that you all are SUPER EXCITED too! LOL This has been my plan all along! AHH! Yea ok, I'm over excited. Emma and Regina WILL prevail! Oh and prepare yourselves for asshat James, sorry but you just know he would be like that… COMMENT!

* * *

Eleven.

Sunlight streamed through the light curtains on the palace balcony. Regina gingerly opened her eyes and frowned at the strange surroundings. Her hand felt heavy as she rubbed at her eyes, in fact her whole body felt heavy and sluggish. Something warm shifted beside her and moved closer. Regina glanced over to see Emma snuggling up next to her, Snow asleep just beyond, and her memory returned. She smiled down at Emma for a moment, brushing the soft curls away from her peaceful face.

Regina turned onto her side, mirroring Snow who was facing Regina with one arm curled under her pillow. She stiffened slightly as she watched Snow sleeping soundly, a token of the obvious trust she now placed in her former step-mother.

She fought the urge to flee from this awkwardly comfortable arrangement but her limbs felt too heavy to move and as she gazed down at Emma, also soundly asleep, she relaxed and let sleep claim her again.

* * *

The next time she awoke it was with a start as the door to Snow's bedchamber was suddenly flung open, slamming against the stone of the castle walls. Regina blinked rapidly, trying clear her sleep addled mind as she felt rough hands grabbing her tightly and hauling her from the warmth of the bed. She was just about to object when she saw James' stern expression pass before her eyes.

For some reason her legs would not hold her up and she collapsed under her own weight as the guards held her up, their grip cutting in under her arms.

Snow bolted upright, her hand shooting across the bed to where Emma cried softly at the sudden noise.

'James?' Snow questioned but he ignored her, his eyes boring into Regina's angrily.

'Not content to sleep with my daughter, you had to have my wife as well?' he spat at Regina, rage turning his face crimson.

A bubble of laughter rose up inside Regina and if her body hadn't been so drained she would've laughed aloud at the absurdity of his suggestion, managing instead a meagre smile that turned up the corners of her mouth in amusement.

'You think this is funny witch?' He snapped, stepping in closer and drawing his sword in challenge, daring her to make a move.

Normally she would've swatted him away like the insignificant fly he was being so exhausted from healing Emma that she had with no fight left in her.

'James!' Snow exclaimed again as she grabbed Emma and struggled out of bed, holding Emma tight against her as Emma clung to her nightgown. She went to James and grabbed his arm, forcing him to look at her.

'What are you doing?' She begged incredulously, her eyebrows pressed together in doubt.

'What am _I_ doing?' he shot back suspiciously, 'What is the meaning of _this_?' he questioned angrily, gesturing to Regina.

Emma took one look at her father's angry face and dissolved into tears.

'James please, calm down!' Snow replied as she indicated for one of the servants to take Emma. Emma clung to her as the servant tried to prize her little fingers from Snow's nightgown but Snow whispered calming words in Emma's ear and managed to hand the child over. She watched them  
leave before she turned back to her husband whose eyes were back watching Regina with the gaze of a threatened predator.

''James, please! Listen to me,' she pleaded as she positioned herself between the sword and Regina, delicately moving his sword towards the ground.

She held her hands up, her speech slow and calm against James's anger.

'Emma was very sick. I summoned Regina here; I knew she could heal Emma like she did with you. Please understand, no one could reach you,' she explained as she took a step back towards Regina.

His eyes narrowed as Snow took hold of Regina's arm.

'Let her go,' she commanded to the guards, following their gaze as they looked to James for confirmation. James nodded his head, his anger abating as he sheathed his blade.

The guards released their vice like grip on Regina's arms and she immediately collapsed to the floor, her unstable legs folding beneath her.

'Are you okay?' Snow asked softly catching Regina in her arms as they both slowly sank to the floor but Regina's began to feel floaty and she fought to stay conscious, unsure what would happen if she lost consciousness with James in his current mood.

She looked at Snow, whose eyes shimmered with concern, and knew that her life was now in Snow's hands.

'I trust you,' Regina whispered, knowing she couldn't fight anymore.

Snow looked taken a back as Regina's head slumped to the younger woman's shoulder.

* * *

Regina faded back into consciousness, snippets of conversation becoming more distinct as angry voices became almost intelligible. And yet she felt like she was floating on a cloud, separated from that world by an insurmountable distance. She fought to stay awake, fought to increase the clarity of her thought by focusing on the fear tightening a knot in the pit of her stomach. But even when all of her instincts screamed at her to flee her body wouldn't obey and she succumbed to sleep once again.

'Regina?' a voice crystallised from the fog.

Someone prodded her arm, the smell of food lifting to her nostrils. She opened her eyes slowly as Snow's face faded into view, her brow furrowed in concern. Regina lifted her head but let it drop back down to the pillow as her vision began to swim. She felt Snow place a hand against her shoulder.

'Don't try to get up,' Snow cautioned, 'You really wore yourself out healing Emma,' She pointed out, her hand still on Regina's shoulder, rubbing gently in small circles.

'I brought you some broth,' she continued, watching as Regina wrinkle up her nose before adding, 'you should really try to eat something.'

'What I need is to get home,' Regina replied, cautiously opening her eyes again, happy to find that the room stayed still. 'Am I under arrest?' Regina asked giving Snow a pointed look.

'No of course not!' Snow replied defensively, removing her hand and pulling back a little. 'Everything has been sorted with James. You don't need to be concerned,' Snow reassured unsteadily.

Regina quirked an eyebrow, her mouth turning up at the edges to an almost-smile.

'I wasn't concerned,' she informed the younger woman and Snow quirked an eyebrow in disbelief. 'I wasn't,' Regina insisted, her eyes falling closed again, 'didn't I tell you that I trusted you or did you miss that before I passed out?' Regina stated as she pushed herself up further, resting her head against the headboard and carefully opening her eyes.

They were in a different room, smaller than Snow and James' bedchambers, and Regina glanced around to get her bearings and assess an exit if needed. She didn't think she would be up to teleportation for a few more hours yet. She eyed the balcony carefully before throwing the covers back and slowly swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, fighting through the dizziness that hit her at the movement.

'Where are you going? I really don't think you're strong enough,' Snow protested, putting the broth down on the night table and walking around to the other side of the bed as Regina used that night table to help her stand.

'I told you, I have to go home,' Regina insisted as she rose to her full height on wobbly legs and took a step towards the balcony. 'Would you loan me a horse? Where are my clothes?' She asked as she looked down at the white nightgown someone had dressed her in.

'Regina I really don't think you should be out of bed, you've been sleeping for two days,' Snow pleaded, taking a step towards Regina, ready to catch her if she fell but hesitant to help outright.

'Two days?' Regina exclaimed, her gaze turning to Snow as she came to a standstill, swaying on shaky legs. Snow jumped forward and clasped her upper arm to steady her.

'I'm fine!' Regina insisted, raising her free hand in aggravated dismissal, 'I don't need you babying me,' she added as she pulled her arm from Snow's grip, stumbling back a few paces into the whitewashed wall behind her. Regina leaned into the wall and closed her eyes, trying to will her body into obedience, but her head swam with the sudden movement and before she knew what was happening she had sunk to the floor, her back against the wall with Snow crouched at her side.

'Will you listen to me now?' Snow asked kindly, her eyebrows rose as she leaned forward to help Regina up, her fingers curling around Regina's bicep.

'Wait…,' Regina said closing her eyes against the light-headedness, 'Just let me rest a little first,' she mumbled, opening her eyes slowly but refusing to meet Snow's gaze.

Light-headedness swept over her again and her head fell back against the stone as she closed her eyes, her stomach twisting with a hint of nausea as she fought for control.

Snow released her grip but remained crouched beside her.

'Why are you doing this?' Regina half whispered, her eyes fluttering shut.

'Why am I doing what?' Snow replied perplexed, kneeling before Regina. 'Hey look at me,' she continued softly, brushing her fingertips hesitantly against Regina's cheek, when Regina made no move to object she cupped it gently and turned the older woman's face toward her.

Regina's eyes snapped open but she stared past Snow, those four words playing over in her head in another voice from another time. Like daughter, like mother perhaps. She swallowed hard but the lump in her throat refused to go back down. A single tear escaped from her exhaustion-wracked body.

'What is it?' Snow asked again, her voice laced with sympathy as she took her hand from Regina's face and wiped away the stray tear.

'Why are you helping me?' She asked, pulling at her hand to demurely wipe away the rest of the tear trail and finding that it was weighted with Snow's grip. Snow released her hand at Regina's movement and Regina used her index finger to flick away the offending trail.

'Because you saved my daughter's life,' Snow replied simply.

Regina put her hands under her and tried to stand. Snow pushed herself to a standing position and took Regina's elbow, guiding her to the edge of the bed.

'And despite what my husband may think I know you've changed,' Snow adding, sitting down next to Regina and helping her swing her legs back over.

Regina lay back, feeling her body sink into the bed, the rest of her energy draining from her body.

'I'm only staying another couple of hours,' she insisted as her head rested against the pillow, 'I have things to get back to at home,' she continued sternly, her eyes already heavy.

'You can leave whenever you please,' Snow assured her, patting Regina's hand as it lay across the top of the blankets. 'You should try to eat something before you fall asleep,' she reminded as she stood up to get the broth.

'Snow,' Regina caught the younger woman's wrist, 'thank you,' she said, looking up into soft brown eyes. Snow nodded with a small smile and Regina's arm fell back to the bed, her eyes falling closed as her body forced her back into a deep sleep.

* * *

Regina's eyelids fluttered open, squinting at the sunlight that filtered through the French doors on the balcony. She was vaguely aware of the buzzing against her chest and swiped a hand across her breast as something landed on the back of her hand.

'You're awake?' the small voice of a certain cricket asked as she pushed herself up in the bed with one arm.

'If that's what you call it, what do you want?' Regina groaned; the light filtering through from the balcony making her head throb. What she wouldn't give for migraine medication in this world.

'I'm pleased to see you're alright, you gave us quite a scare,' he told her as she rolled onto her side, placing him next to her on top of one of the pillows.

'Us?' Regina queried, peering at him and then squinting, the double vision putting her off.

'Queen Snow and myself,' he clarified, taking off his hat and doing a small bow.

Regina grunted in response as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She no idea how long she had been asleep this time but she definitely felt better for it.

'Queen Snow believes she has managed to persuade the King to allow you to remain in the Kingdom,' he continued, putting his hat back on and leaning on his umbrella.

'So I can what?' Regina spat as she pushed herself into a sitting position, happy to see her head remained steady, 'Be their personal physicians?' she asked with a seething anger. 'When will you people understand, I don't need your help or your pity. I just want to be left alone,' she asserted, throwing the covers back and swinging her legs over the edge of the bed.

Her clothes had been laundered and left in a neat pile on the chest at the end of the bed.

'I came to save Emma, I've done that and now I am leaving,' she clarified, taking her clothes and sliding behind a dressing screen, trying to ignore her trembling hands as she undid the nightgown.

'Wouldn't it be better to be part of the Kingdom,' Jiminy tried to persuade, 'to have a place to belong, be part of a…' He stumbled over the word he was going to use, knowing it would only inflame her anger.

'Family?' Regina answered, practically spitting the word as she threw the nightgown angrily over the top of the screen.

'..to be part of something larger than yourself,' He answered simply, landing on the chest of drawers next to the screen.

'I tried that, remember?' she said coming around the screen dressed in her own clothes.

'You tried to control everyone, it isn't the same as being a part of it,' Jiminy reminded her, 'Would Emma want you to isolate yourself like this?' he asked carefully.

Regina shot him a filthy look, 'I'm not wanted here, I know that,' she affirmed, the ice in her voice making Jiminy hesitate.

'Queen Snow…' he began hesitantly.

'Only feels sorry for me!' Regina snapped, her voice bellowing in the small room.

Regina felt the emptiness of her words in the silence that followed.

'Maybe it wouldn't be so bad having someone look out for you?' Jiminy piped up, knowing full well what the answer would be.

'You forget who you are talking to. I don't need anyone and I don't need Snow's pity,' she declared, sitting on the bed and tugging on her shoes.

'It's not pity, she wants you to be a part of Emma's life,' He clarified, flying closer to rest on the footboard at the end of the bed.

'Don't you see?' Regina asked, emotion unexpectedly choking her throat, 'Emma is a baby. Yes, I would do anything for her but I don't want to be her aunt or Gods-forbid her step-grandmother, I want to be her partner, I want to be her wife,' she said swallowing the lump in her throat and forcing on the other shoe in her frustration, 'I have to live my own life now,' she asserted, swallowing her pain and forcing on her other shoe angrily.

'Without Emma?' He asked calmly, avoiding her eyes.

'Yes, without Emma, why are you pushing this so hard?' she asked, her eyes narrowing as she glanced over at him, something in his demeanour raising her hackles, 'This has something to do with James, doesn't it?' She accused.

'You would be better off if you weren't alone so much,' Jiminy answered cagily.

Regina stared at him, her glare ice cold. Jiminy stared back, trying not to cower before her, eventually relenting with a sigh.

'Yes, King James has his reasons for wanting to keep you around,' he admitted, 'He thinks that if you are around Emma, you won't be tempted into using dark magic again,' he added in an insufficient attempt to temper the wrath he saw building behind Regina's eyes.

She rose to pace the room, 'He wants me around so he can spy on me,' she clarified. 'What? Magic is okay as long as I'm saving his daughters life with it?' she asked turning back to Jiminy who stood frozen in place. He scratched his head nervously.

'If he thinks Emma will convince me to stay he can think again!' She bellowed.

'Regina, please, just wait and talk to Snow,' Jiminy pleaded watching Regina's pacing become more restless, anger seething beneath her skin.

'I have nothing to say to any of you,' she said distantly, pausing at the balcony with a sudden stillness.

She took a deep breath, grasping the magic within her. She could feel her own weakness, she was still far from recharged but what was there would get her home. She pulled at it a little tighter, feeling the magic sweep over her skin as she vanished in a puff of smoke.

* * *

**AN:** I love you guys, please leave a comment! : )


	12. Chapter 12

**Title: **The Princess who will not be Sheriff.  
**Author:** starbuck1980 (livejournal/tumblr/twitter)  
**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time  
**Pairing:** Swan Queen  
**Rating:** NC17/M for trigger warnings, language and sexy times.

**Summary:** When the curse finally brakes it changes everything. Continues on from The Girl who would be Queen. Please read first as this will contain references to and the character development etc will be the same. Mainly FTL but with some SB/RW scenes. Most probably dark & twisty knowing me.

**Trigger Warnings:** May contain references to: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.**

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. All rights belong to Disney/ABC.

**A/N:** Closing up things with Snow Queen and then the story will move on next chapter. Thank you for your awesome comments as always!

* * *

Twelve.

Regina was trying to review the minutes for the last town meeting, laptop perched on the arm of her favourite chair, but as another squeal of delight echoed through her ears she smiled and closed the top. Henry was playing quite contentedly by himself but he was so adorable that she found herself unable to concentrate on her work. He had been attempting to crawl for the past two weeks and had finally managed to get up on both hands and knees, rocking back and forth, seemingly trying to work out how to put one hand in front of the other. He chattered happily away to himself as he eyed up a toy that was just out of his reach.

'Henry,' Regina called to him, getting down on her hands and knees just a little ways in front of him. She tried to say his name as often as she could so that he would learn it and respond which was paying off nicely.

He looked up at her, smiling back with a wide toothy grin, his eyes bright with delight. Regina picked up the rubber giraffe that he had been eyeing, squeezing it gently to make it squeak and watched as Henry let out a giggle.

'Henry, come here. Look what I have,' she said to him, slowly waggling the toy and placing it on the floor just out of his reach, poking it to make it squeak again. He loved that giraffe so much and he eyed it now as she sat back on her heels. He rocked back and forth for a moment before his knees slid out from underneath him.

'Aw, never mind baby. Good try,' she cooed, reaching over to ruffle his wispy brown hair.

Henry stayed on his stomach, chewing his fingers before finding his thumb and sucking on it for a moment. He popped his thumb out and planted his hands on the floor, lifting the top half of his body up, his knees slowly following suit. Regina laughed, proud of his determination.

'Come on, you can do it Henry!' She encouraged, prodding at the giraffe.

Henry poked out his tongue, sucking on his bottom lip for a moment before lifting one hand up, balancing on his planted hand.

Regina squeezed the toy again, 'Come on, come get it!' she prompted.

He frowned in concentration but placed his hand down a little further forward.

'That's it! Well done, come on, just a little further!' Regina coaxed, gently picking up the giraffe and waving it in the air before putting it down again.

Henry grinned as he watched the toy intently. His knee shuffled forward as he picked up his other hand, moving it forward.

Regina watched with pride as Henry slowly made his way over to the toy but, instead of dropping himself down in front of it, he kept going until he reached her lap, looking up at her with a proud grin. She picked him up, holding him in the air above her face.

'Good boy Henry,' she praised before pulling him closer and nuzzling her face into his belly.

Henry let out a high-pitched squeal and then giggled contentedly, smiling at Regina as she pulled him close.

Regina materialised into the parlour, Sydney watching her from the mirror next to the hat. As her form gained solidity the hat began to emit a faint pulsating glow, recognising its new master.

* * *

'Your Majesty...' Sydney began as she turned a glare upon him.

'Quit the "your majesty" crap, I'm not in the mood,' she groused as she stood still with one hand in her hair and the other on her hip, her mind on what had just transpired.

The image of Snow's face as she disappeared lingered in her thoughts, alarm mixed with sadness. A pang of guilt shot through Regina's chest. Why hadn't she stayed to explain? Why run? It wasn't as if James was any real threat.

Regina paced to her bedchambers. She had left because she could, because she wanted to. Why did she feel like she owed her former step-daughter an explanation? She had only been there to save Emma's life, why did she feel like that was a pitiful recompense for all she had done?

She sat down on her bed and put her face in her hands, willing herself to not care that Snow's kindness had touched her. She cleared her throat and her mind and forced herself into the other room, hoping her anger at Sydney would help erase the knot that had appeared in her stomach.

'Snow White has been attempting to contact you,' Sydney stated as Regina made her way into the parlour.

'What does she want?' Regina snapped, knowing that Snow deserved an explanation but unable to give her one.  
'She says she wants to talk, no more than that. What more would she want?' he asked idly, raising his eyebrows.

'That would be none of your concern,' she replied defensively before strolling into the bedroom and taking a seat at her dressing table.

She lightly touched the handle of the mirror that sat face down, taking a deep breath before she picked it up, Sydney's face swimming into focus.

'Open a connection,' she told him sternly, a look of disappointment washing over his face before his disappeared.

As Snow came into view Regina recognised the dressing table that was in the room she had occupied.

'Regina?' She asked, before chewing her lip, a slight frown on her brow.

'What do you want Snow?' Regina almost growled her face hard as she stared at Snow's reflection.

Why did she feel this need to push her away? Why was she acting like everyone expected her too, solitary and careless, willing to turn evil rather than fight the devil on her shoulder? (Everyone except Snow and Jiminy she reminded herself.) But who was she without that desire to just allow the darkness to embrace her like a long lost friend?

'Why did you leave? You didn't even say goodbye,' Snow said accusatorily, her voice training off as a dejected expression consumed her face.

'I don't want to be a part of Emma's life, why won't you people understand that?' she responded angrily, 'You think you can use Emma just to keep me around so that you can spy on me?' she accused, knowing (hoping) Snow would have no part of such a plan but needing something to say that would hurt, that would keep herself angry.

'It's not like that Regina,' Snow whispered with a hint of desperation.

'Then tell me. Tell me you don't mean to use Emma to get me to stay, just so you can make sure that I don't start using dark magic again?' Regina accused outright, needing to push Snow, shove her towards her farthest limits to see how far she would go before she snapped.

Snow stiffened in her seat, her back going rigid under Regina's harsh scrutiny.

'Those are James' thoughts not mine. You would do well to not to confuse the two, I know you're no fool Regina,' Snow clarified, her tone low.

It was Regina's turn to stiffen as Snow's embolden gaze snapped up to meet Regina's defiant glare, she narrowed her eyes.

'And I suppose that isn't your reason to keep me around?' Regina huffed diverting her eyes.

'Whilst I can see the allure of keeping an eye on the magic you choose to cast, I don't believing in using Emma to make you stay,' Snow began honestly.

'Well good,' Regina cut in abruptly, 'I guess we have nothing else to discuss,' Regina said, turning away from the mirror.

'I miss her too, you know?' Snow admitted softly just before Regina put the mirror down.

Regina froze, her heart thumping inside her chest as a lump rose into her throat. Panic fluttered beneath her skin; she couldn't have this conversation with Snow, especially with Snow. She tried to take a deep breath but caught only a fraction of air, composing herself as best she could as she turned the mirror back around to face Snow, unable to look her in the eyes.

'Did you not think that I would?' Snow asked with near-incredulity. 'She was my best friend and now she's just a baby,' Snow confessed but still Regina couldn't bring herself to look at the younger woman.

'But I remember before, I remember losing her and I am so thankful for this do-over and I love her so much but sometimes I don't know what to do for the best and I don't want to waste this amazing second chance we have,' She admitted, anguish clear in her broken voice. She paused and looked down, fighting her own emotions.

'That's called being a parent,' Regina whispered finally, slowly turning her gaze up to Snow's face.

'I know and I'm grateful, I am but sometimes I'm at a loss and missing…' She paused as she looked up at Regina, '…the guidance of someone who's been through it,' she stated averting her gaze again.

'Your mother,' Regina remarked, bristling at her own admission.

'No,' Snow corrected, shaking her head before looking back up at Regina, 'I barely remember my mother, she is merely a revered figure, not a real person who was around for most of my life,' Snow revealed, looking at Regina pointedly.

'I was never your mother, Snow,' Regina argued gently, having never seen herself that way.

'Perhaps not but you've been through all of this with Henry,' She pointed out, faltering slightly over his name, and watching as Regina turned away to obscure the tears that came to her eyes.

'Yes and look how well that turned out,' Regina retorted, recovering herself as a pang shoot through her chest.

'He loved you Regina,' Snow pushed back, 'He forgave you as Emma had,' she pointed out, 'as I have,' she added softly.

'I don't want your forgiveness,' Regina snapped, anger flaring up inside her as she held on to it, pulled it towards herself.

Snow sat back in her chair as Regina got up to pace the room.

Regina held on to the mirror, hugging it against her abdomen; unable to bring herself to make Sydney break the connection but unable to look at Snow.

'Regina?' Snow asked gently, clasping her hands in front of herself.

'How dare you. You think your forgiveness is everything? I don't want your forgiveness, I don't want you and I don't want your family,' Regina ranted as her voice broke. She braced herself against the window ledge, fingernails digging into the wood as she held the mirror away from her, tears flowing down her cheeks.

'But you are,' Snow said from the mirror, her voice sounding distant, 'you always have been. If we were still in Storybrook Emma would've brought us together but we were family long before I found out Emma was my daughter and Henry was my grandson,' Snow stated, treading softly over Henry's name.

Snow waited for Regina to respond but when she heard nothing but quiet sobs she continued, 'Regina, talk to me, please?' Snow all but begged, tears building at the corners of her eyes as she heard the desperate anguish in Regina's sobs.

Regina moved the mirror to her face again, her tears visible but partly masked by another flame of anger, 'You never accepted me as your mother; your father all but ignored me except when he wanted me in his bed, your mother's name on his lips as he fucked me. What do you want from me?' Regina cringed against the memories, sinking to the floor next to her dressing table.

'Of course I wanted you as my mother, don't you remember how happy we were in those first few years?' Snow asked incredulously, her child-like memories remembering nothing but happiness when Regina first came to the palace.

'Ha!' Regina cried out, tears stark on her face, 'You remember what you want. You have no idea what it was like being pulled from one person to the next, having to do their bidding when all you wanted to do was curl up and die because your mother had ripped your beloved's heart out, killed your child and then forced you into a betrothal you never wanted,' Regina snapped back in hateful tears.

'I'm sorry,' Snow stuttered her eyes wide and filling with tears, 'I didn't…' she trailed off, knowing nothing she could say would make what had happened any different.

'Just tell me what you want,' Regina finished dejectedly, wanting to end this conversation but unable to just put the mirror down.

'I don't know what I want,' Snow confessed, 'I don't know what I'm doing half the time. James is always off doing something for the good of the kingdom and I…' Snow paused, the tears flowing at her self-assessed ineptitude.

'That is what it's like being a Queen,' Regina remarked with bitterness, 'This is the happy ending you wanted,' she added, knowing all too well the weight and loneliness of being a Queen.

'It's not what I expected; we fought for so long to get here and now,' Snow mused, wiping her eyes.

'And now you're left with the baby whilst your husband goes off making alliances and peace treaties,' Regina remembered knowingly. She reached up and took a hold of the mirror in both hands, regarding Snow, and in that moment she looked so very young like the girl she once knew.

'What about the others,' Regina asked practically, needing to know that Snow had some friendly faces, 'Red, Abigail, Cinderella?'

'All off leading their own lives, starting their own families,' Snow said, her voice distant as she looked back at Regina, 'You're the only friend I have,' she said, a bitter laugh passing her lips at the irony.

'I'm not the person you need, I can't be that person. I won't. I'm sorry,' Regina stated stiffening at the awkwardness of the conversation and the emptiness her words created in her own stomach.

'I am too,' Snow answered wistfully, her tears drying.

There was silence between them until Snow spoke up again, 'I understand that you don't want Emma to think of you as family but it doesn't mean you have to hide away out there.'

'Perhaps not but I think this is the way it has to be for now,' Regina acknowledged, trying to force down the pain that was expanding within her.

'But to be all alone for maybe twenty eight years?' Snow asked sceptically.

'I'm not alone, I have Sydney,' Regina instantly responded, feeling even more deflated as she heard her own words and knowing that wouldn't be enough to convince Snow.

'You don't like Sydney,' Snow accused, pursing her lips together and scrunching up her nose.

'I don't like you either but here I am talking to you,' Regina replied emotionlessly.

Snow was still for a moment until Regina allowed the smile to play across her lips. Snow shook her head and smiled back.

'Why do I think you're up to something?' Snow inquired, giving Regina a curious look.

'Maybe I am, maybe I have a hobby or found a God to worship,' Regina joked half-heartedly.

Snow smiled broadly then, 'Fine… But…' She acquiesced quietly.

'But what? Maybe it's you who should find a hobby,' Regina pointed out.

Snow sighed, 'Maybe you're right.'

'Goodbye Snow,' Regina said softly.

Snow nodded, 'Goodbye Regina,' she said placing her fingers against the glass of the mirror.

Regina put the mirror down on the dressing table and told Sydney to sever the connection. She wiped away her remaining tears and pushed herself toward the library. Her previously interrupted research must resume she thought glumly, wishing she could move forward in time. She sat down, pushing down the anguish of frustration flaring in her chest and forcing herself to focus on the words before her.


	13. Chapter 13

**Title: **The Princess who will not be Sheriff.  
**Author:** starbuck1980 (LJ/tumblr/twitter)  
**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time  
**Pairing:** Swan Queen  
**Rating:** NC17/M for trigger warnings, language and sexy times.

**Summary:** When the curse finally brakes it changes everything. Continues on from The Girl who would be Queen. Please read first as this will contain references to and the character development etc will be the same. Mainly FTL but with some SB/RW scenes. Most probably dark & twisty knowing me.

**Trigger Warnings:** May contain references to: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.**

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. All rights belong to Disney/ABC.

**A/N:** Ok people, this is it. Obviously I'm not a man, I have no idea what it's like to be a man and I don't want to be one SO I have tried to do this the best way I know how. Also, I'm gay as you probably realised; I have absolutely no interest in men, sexually. THIS HAS BEEN A CHALLENGE and probably the reason why it's taking me so long to write. I've tried to keep Regina present as much as possible, Regina controls Rex. She's still in there and it's all her thoughts and feelings and let's face it, it's way hotter if it's Regina with Emma and not Rex with Emma BUT there will be mention of boy parts, which yea gross but necessary for where I want the story to go so there WILL be het sex. I will be interested in what your thoughts are, leave me a comment!

* * *

Thirteen.

Regina opened her eyes, squinting at the bright sunlight streaming through her bedroom window. Her tongue felt thick with the potion she had consumed the previous night, its metallic taste still cloying the back of her throat. She brought a hand up to rub the sleep from her eyes, gazing at it in wonder when it reached her periphery. She turned it back and forth from palm to the back of her hand, staring at the thicker hair dusting the back of the much larger hand. She started to rub her eye tentatively, bringing it too close to her face and knuckling herself in the eye clumsily. She pulled it back and took a deep breath, flexing her body and trying to get a hold of the newfound feel of it, forming the new concept of her personal space.

She pulled the covers aside with a deep breath. Although her stature felt excessively large her body was actually on the skinny side of fit. She traced her bigger hands over her slightly hairy pecks, missing the weight of her breasts, before her hands and eyes traced lower to her flat but slightly toned stomach, pausing at the dark hair that erupted below her belly button. Her eyes fell lower and, although she consciously understood what becoming a man would entail, the reality was still something of a shock. Her eyes widened and she stared at the newfound flesh lying between her legs in a mixture of revulsion and shock. She touched it tentatively, feeling the odd sensation of her own touch before shaking off the sudden warmth that was rushing to this new appendage. Her body had taken on a life if its own and it was unsettling at best. She turned, putting her legs over the edge of the bed to stand up, relief coating her features as she realised she could at least stand and balance with relative ease.

She took a few steps, trying to absorb the new weight distribution of this body. She moved to the dressing table and picked up her brush, putting it back down, gauging her dexterity. She carefully moved to sit, bracing herself before she picked the mirror up.

Regina stared at her own reflection in awe and just a small amount of horror as she registered her appearance was the same as it had been in her dreams. When she had taken the potion the night before she hadn't quite grasped the consequences, but now, as she gazed at her reflection in the mirror she realised that this would be more difficult than she had first imagined.

She ran a hand through her now short wavy hair, huffing slightly as the numerous things that required a perspective change cascaded through her mind. She would need to practice many things, walking, gestures, before attempting another trip through the hat and this delay frustrated her no end.

She stood up and took a few steps, judging herself and cursing her lifetime of training. She had been brought up to be a proper young lady and that included posture and walking with a book on her head to make sure she didn't slouch but if she continued to walk like this Emma would think she was an effeminate male and that wouldn't do at all.

She went over to the pants she had finished the day before, pulling them over her wider muscular legs and taking a few strides across the room and into the parlour, groaning aloud in frustration. Trying to break the habits of a lifetime would not be easy. Sydney's eyes traced Regina's motions, a restrained smile on his lips, but she ignored him.

He cleared his throat and waited but Regina refused to pay him any mind.

He cleared his throat again, 'Try not to stand with such rigidity,' Sydney finally offered, trying desperately to maintain a neutral expression. She turned a glare on him, hating that his input might actually be helpful in this situation. She turned away without saying anything, trying to loosen her posture as she took another few steps.

'And try to take wider steps,' Sydney added hesitantly, taking his cue from the fact Regina hadn't berated him after the previous comment, 'You have longer legs now.'

She turned to face him, placing her hands on her now masculine hips, and Sydney stifled a chuckle, 'Take your hands off your hips; put them in your pockets instead,' he instructed, watching as Regina grew more irate at Sydney's correct observations.

'I don't have pockets Sydney!' Regina groused, pausing for a moment at the sound of her voice. She held her throat for a moment, feeling the Adam's apple beneath her clumsier fingers. She cleared her throat and spoke again, repeating Sydney's name to herself until she got used to the sound of it. She looked back down at the hand remaining on her hip, dropping it to her side as she noted her bare chest and somewhat baggy pants. She would need to take them in before going anywhere.

She let out a frustrated growl and slumped down on to the stool, her back straight and her legs together.

'Open your legs wider and loosen up your back,' Sydney suggested, growing more confident. Regina glared back at him in disdain but begrudgingly obeyed.

Without Regina explicitly asking for Sydney's critique he continued to offer helpful snippets and she continued to try to master walking, standing, sitting and gesturing. When she was comfortable enough with her progress she went back to the shirt she had started to sew and finished that, putting it on and examining herself in the mirror. It wasn't perfect but she would be able to pass for a slightly well off commoner.

* * *

Regina stepped outside, her leather boots squidging in the mud created from the night's rain. She went around to the stable and approached her horse slowly. It surveyed her oddly but somehow knew who she was, allowing her to tack and mount him without incident.

Riding was a lot easier than she had expected it to be, hadn't her mother always said she rode like a man? She laughed to herself then, amused by the thought. If only her mother could see her now, would she even recognise her own daughter?

Regina wondered what life would have been like if she had been born a man, whether her fate would have been the same or whether society would have make excuses for her behaviour. King George had been a tyrant but no one opposed his rule until James and Snow decided to take back the kingdom. But herself? She had been automatically labeled 'The Evil Queen' for insisting upon a similarly strict regime. If she had been a man would she have been less reviled? If she had been less reviled would she have become quite so angry and heartless? The questions rolled around inside her mind uselessly as she crossed the easy distance to the market. She mused over a name, should anyone ask whilst she was out and decided on Rex, that being the masculine form for Regina.

She pulled into the market square, passing a tavern on her right where she swung down and loosely tied up her mount. She mentally reviewed her list. The most expensive item would be material to make new clothing but she couldn't pass in Emma's world dressed like she was headed to a Renaissance fayre.

Leaving her horse she began to mingle amongst the crowds at the various stalls, paying close attention to the common courtesies the men paid to women. She also watched the mannerisms of the men, careful to not stare at one person for too long and tried to include aspects of their mannerisms in her own movements and gestures.

Regina had just paid for a length of material when a raucous laugh filled the air. Those around her stopped and turned to it's source and Regina found her gaze also drawn as it fell upon a red hooded figure, her long dark curly hair flowing around the edges of the hood. Her mouth fell open in surprise as she recognized Red in the middle of the group of people. She let out a breath, her eyes on Red as the crowd dispersed. She saw Granny behind one of the stalls close by and Regina wondered if either of them would feel as if they knew her.

With a deep breath she made her way through a throng of people to Granny's stall, very careful of her mannerisms while browsing the goods on display with a seeming nonchalance.

Although her arms were already laden down with purchases Regina decided to buy a fine lambskin jerkin and a few other small things from Granny's stall, haggling at the price as expected but not forcing Granny as low as she would probably go. When the haggling was over Granny looked up at Regina's male form properly for the first time, her eyes studying the face in front of her, blue eyes filled with recognition as a frown consumed her face at her inability to place this man.

'Do I know you, sir? Have you been to my stall before?' Granny asked, hesitantly putting words to her thoughts.

Rex shook his head as a frown appeared on his brow, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

'No, my lady. I am not from around here,' Rex replied jovially as the corners of Granny's mouth turned downwards and she pursed her lips together in confusion.

'Your face seems so familiar,' Granny replied with a shrug before looking at the items in his arms.

'Now how are you going to get all of this back…?' Granny questioned cheekily, hoping Rex would elaborate 'I assume you have a horse?' she added as an afterthought.

Rex nodded. 'My horse is back at the tavern,' he confirmed, gesturing behind her with his head as he fought to carry the purchases in his arm, silently cursing this backward land for not inventing carrier bags.

'How about I ask my granddaughter to help you out?' Granny asked, smiling a bit too broadly at the suggestion. Rex looked at her warily before smiling back, knowing he could sure use the help.

'Very well,' he acquiesced, 'but only to my horse, I wouldn't want to put you both out,' Rex responded gallantly still smiling back at Granny.

Regina watched a blush creep up the older woman's neck.

'I am sure Red wouldn't mind helping a nice fellow such as yourself home,' Granny assured as she beckoned Red over to the stall.

_Why don't you just throw your granddaughter at me?_ Regina thought with amusement, catching a twinkle in Granny's eye.

'Red, this lovely young man needs help with his purchases,' Granny told her granddaughter gesturing to Rex's full arms. Red gave Rex the once over, her blue eyes lingering over Rex's face. She took some of the purchases from his arms and up from Granny's cart and smiled widely, showing a perfect row of white teeth.

'Thank you,' Rex said softly, nodding in appreciation.

Red nodded demurely, a blush rising to her cheek as she gazed up at him through hooded lashes.

'Where do you live sir?' Red asked, raising her eyes carefully.

'I just need help to my horse, it is over by the tavern,' Rex stated with a small laugh as Regina noted Red's coy expression.

Red stepped forward, her eyes still on Rex's face.

'So why don't I recognise you?' Red asked, maintaining her coy smile as she shifted the packages in her hands.

'I just moved recently,' Rex answered, running a hand through her shorter hair as Regina tried to evade the awkward questioning.

'Oh really where from?' Red asked excitedly, her interest peaking at the prospect of hearing about some new place. She turned and examined Rex's face in earnest, waiting for him to continue. She traced familiar lines and frowned, cutting off Regina's panicked pause with: 'Are you sure you've never been here before, your face seems so familiar.'

Rex smiled in both relief and amusement. _Oh if only you knew Red,_ she thought.

'Funny, your grandmother said the same thing. I must just have one of those faces,' Rex replied.

They approached a puddle and Red looked at Rex for the briefest of moments. Regina's mind clicked and Rex took Red's arm, as any man would have done, and helped her to avoid the worst of the mud around it. As they continued walking Regina noticed that Red was still holding onto Rex's arm and for a moment Regina felt slightly uncomfortable. She looked down at Red who returned Rex's gaze with clear desire in her eyes.

'So tell me about yourself?' Ruby asked playfully as she gently squeezed Rex's bicep.

Rex smiled, _well you know I enacted a dark curse and trapped you all in a small town in Maine which then broke; leaving me to resort to time travel just to see my ex-girlfriend because she changed back to a baby. _

'Not much to tell really,' Rex responded resisting the urge to smile as Regina considered what Red's reaction would be if she knew who she was really flirting with. 'Moved here shortly after we all came back,' he continued with a carefully executed 'careless' shrug, as if to say 'he' would rather not talk about it.

In truth Regina hadn't thought that much about Rex's back story.

'Here's my horse,' Rex told her as he gestured to his mount, 'thank you for helping me carry all of this,' he said again, happy to have the distraction as he began to stuff packages into the saddlebags.

'Are you sure all of this is going to fit?' Red asked as she handed over several items, noting that both saddlebags were already pretty full and she still had another armful.

_I'll make them fit_, Regina thought as Rex forced more into each bag.

Red stepped around the horse's flank, taking a step closer to Rex, 'How about I help you home with these?' she offered, her eyebrow raised at Rex as he continued to try to fit everything in.

'Oh no I am sure you are far too busy. I don't want to put you out at,' Rex answered, trying to maintain a calm voice whilst Regina searched her brain on a suitable way to handle this situation.

'It's no trouble at all,' Red offered sincerely as she ran a hand down Rex's arm and then took the remaining packages from his hands, standing beside him expectantly.

Regina was struck dumb as Red chewed on her lip, gazing up into Rex's face through hooded lashes.

'Shall we go then?' Red asked pouting slightly as she squeezed Rex's forearm.

Rex nodded, still unable to come up with any way of politely sending her away.

He took a hold of the horse's reins and led him down the lane as Red looped her arm through Rex's. This was not part of the plan but Regina wasn't sure about passing up such an advantageous opportunity that was being handed to her on a platter. Regina was intensely aware of this body responding to Red's presence and the odd mixture of desire and guilt coursing through these veins. She steeled herself by taking a deep breath as Red ran her fingers lightly across Rex's forearm as they continued towards Regina's home.

* * *

**A/N:** Not in love with this chapter but it does what I need it to; I was epically blocked whilst writing it and it was like pulling teeth. Prepare for smut and Red Queen next chapter.


	14. Chapter 14

**Title: **The Princess who will not be Sheriff.  
**Author:** **starbuck1980** (Livejournal and Tumblr)  
**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time  
**Pairing:** Swan Queen  
**Rating:** NC17/M for trigger warnings, language and sexy times.

**Summary:** When the curse finally brakes it changes everything. Continues on from The Girl who would be Queen. Please read first as this will contain references to and the character development etc will be the same. Mainly FTL but with some SB/RW scenes. Most probably dark & twisty knowing me.

**Trigger Warnings:** May contain references to: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.**

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. All rights belong to Disney/ABC.

**A/N:** Apologies for the long delay, no excuse really except my muse is dead but this has been written for a while. I think I'm just going to post what I've got completed so far and worry about what happens after that later on and hope my muse comes back to life! Comments always appreciated, I know a few of you are reluctant for Red Queen but it doesn't go beyond this chapter. So good or bad here it is, thank you as always for reading!

* * *

Fourteen.

Regina felt uneasy as Rex ushered Red through her front door into the entrance-way, dropping the full saddlebag onto the floor and taking the other packages from Red's arms.

'Thank you for your help,' Rex offered as Red's hands lingered on Rex's arms.

Regina could feel the heat building within this foreign body as her brain fought itself, shuttling between denial and justification.

It wasn't that she had never found Red attractive but she had never expected the situation to present itself so forcefully. It felt like such a blatant betrayal of Emma that her stomach pitted with the guilt of it. And yet some small part of her logic sided with the testosterone flooding her system, _You need to use this body in every way _it said,_ To be ready for Emma _it cajoled.

Red's hand left Rex's arm and she looked up with innocent expectation.

_Politeness requires you invite her in,_ Regina's brain finally clicked.

'Wait here for a moment,' Rex offered, 'I need to check my home is decent for the eyes of a young lady,' he intoned, taking the cloak Red had slipped from her shoulders and noting that tonight was not a full moon before disappearing through the inner door into the parlour.

'I have company!' Rex hissed at Sydney who still seemed amused by her appearance. She walked swiftly over to the hat and picked it up, taking it into the bedroom and hiding it under the bed, its warm glow fading as she pulled it away from its other half. She glanced around the room before stepping into the parlour and surveying it for anything untoward. Thankfully she had tidied away most of her potion-making equipment the night before.

'Welcome to my home,' Rex announced as he swung open the door.

Red hesitated, her flirty bravado momentarily dampened by a very real possibility. She looked at Rex who smiled and her desire flared, pulling her confidence back. She smiled broadly and took a few steps into the house.

Red looked around, crossing to inspect the mirror as Rex stood in the doorway. Regina noted that Rex was standing with his hands on his hips and quickly dropped them to his sides as Red gazed into the mirror at her own reflection.

'Would you like something to drink, wine perhaps?' Rex offered, striding over to the wine decanter on the table. He looked over at Red as he poured out one drink and, when she nodded, he poured the other.

Red moved closer, taking the wine from Rex's hand and taking a delicate sip.

'So you haven't lived here long then?' Red asked, surveying the place before placing her goblet down on the table.

'No not long, I guess I haven't had the chance to make it a bit more homely.' Rex answered. Regina looked around, slightly embarrassed by the living conditions as she noticed how sparse they must look to an outsider. They worked for a man who had just moved here but loneliness pricked at her as she realised she hadn't bothered making herself at home here.

Rex did an impressive man-slump onto one of the stools, gesturing for Red to do the same. Red sat with her back straight, like any young lady might do and Regina further loosened up Rex's shoulders. He looked up to see Red's gaze intently watching him. Suddenly Regina felt self-conscious, why had she allowed Red into her home? But she knew why. Her stomach fluttered with the thought.

'Would you like something to eat?' Rex asked, standing up and looking towards her kitchen with hesitation, knowing she didn't have anything for her guest to eat.

She heard Red slip from the stool and turned to find her standing too close to Rex, her breath across his lips and her hips pressed against his. Regina felt Rex go hard as Red's lips pressed against his.

'I can think of something I like to enjoy,' Red whispered against Rex's ear, her breath sending tiny shivers down his spine.

Regina felt the hardness between Rex's thighs start to throb with need and her mind went blank, Emma flashing before her. _What the fuck was she doing?_ Regina couldn't do this, could she? The image of Emma kissing her coupled with Red's persistent kiss was almost too much for her to resist but as she felt Red's finger tips running up Rex's arm she fought for control. She took hold of Red's arms, forcing the brunette back as an anguished groan slipped from her lips.

'What are you doing? Rex gaped at her in astonishment seeing the hunger reflecting back at him in the younger woman's eyes. Rex began to move across the room, his fingers in his hair as Red stood gaping, her cheeks blushing furiously. He turned back towards her as she spoke,

'Isn't this what you wanted? Isn't this why you agree to have me coming back here?' Red spluttered in confusion as her blush crept further. Rex closed his eyes as Regina scrabbled for something to say, was this why she had asked Red back? She couldn't deny she had felt Red's attraction to Rex and was intrigued by it but where that led actually hadn't really crossed her mind, had it?

'No… I mean, I don't know… Do you always get invited back to a man's home?'_ a man you've only just met at that_, Regina wondered with idle curiosity. Red's blush deepened,

'Uh no. I'm sorry,' Red began as she tried to explain herself. 'I never... I just felt this connection with you,' she explained, embarrassment obvious on her face. 'I'm sorry,' she repeated, brushing her hair behind her ears, 'I'll just leave you to get unpacked,' Red finished as she raced to the door before remembering that Rex had taken her cloak. She turned back awkwardly, opening her mouth to ask for it when Rex spoke.

'Don't run off,' he said calmly, 'I just wasn't expecting...You're very beautiful,' Rex told her, easily turning on the charm with a smile.

Regina wasn't sure what had possessed her to encourage the attention but as Rex ran the tip of his tongue along his own lower lip, Emma's image flashed into Regina's brain again.

She knew Emma wouldn't want her to be celibate for the rest of her days but Red had been her friend - would she consider this indirect untruth a betrayal of her friend? The guilt bubbled up inside Rex. It felt like a betrayal of Emma _and_ Red but Red was an adult and Regina was finding that this body was betraying her more and more – which seemed lame in itself, Regina thought, shouldn't she be able to control this body?

Red took a step away from the door chewing her lip as Rex's eyes continued to bore into her.

Desire flared up inside Rex as Red met his eyes; the desire evident within and Regina's brain began to justify her body's reaction, it was like she was trapped inside an adolescent boy trying to cover up his first erection. She was so tired of the loneliness eating away at her night after night, why couldn't she use this body to seek comfort in someone else? And how could she go through the hat not knowing what kind of effect having sex would have on this body? Or how to do it? Testing it out with Emma, particularly when she was trying to portray herself as an experienced older man, would be less than ideal.

Rex stared back at Red, and Regina's desire was mirrored by a deeper hunger burning back at Rex through blue eyes. Red wanted this, maybe even needed it. She took a step forward.

'I don't expect a marriage proposal,' Red reassured as she watched the desire ebb and flare in Rex's eyes, paralleling the conflict within. She stepped into Rex's personal space, gazing up at him through hooded eyelashes as she chewed her lip.

'I can't…' Rex's sentence was cut off by hungry lips consuming his own. This time Regina's brain descended into a white haze. Red stretched up on tiptoes and Regina felt Rex's own hands tighten around her tiny waist.

He pulled her closer as Red's tongue begged entrance into Rex's mouth. Emma flashed into Regina's brain and Rex squeezed his eyes shut tighter as his tongue dueled with Red's. He pushed back against the wall, gasping as Red's fingers travelled down his abdomen to unlace his pants. Rex held his breath as Red's fingers brushed over the hair on his stomach. Red pulled back to gage his response, his eyes were now wide but there was no mistaking the attraction this body felt towards Red. For a moment as Rex stared down at Red, Regina could see Emma. Red's dark hair was now blonde; curling past her shoulders, red leather and jeans instead of the dress Red now wore.

Rex pushed her back against the wall, kissing down the creamy white flesh of her neck, nipping and sucking his way down to her collarbone as his fingers reached round to unlace Red's dress, slipping it past her shoulders and exposing her breasts. He immediately took an erect nipple between his thumb and forefinger, pinching gently before taking it into his mouth. Red elicited a low growl as her fingers ran around the waistband of Rex's pants, easing them down his hips until they pooled at his feet, her fingers curling around the shaft of his penis. Regina felt it respond instantly to her touch. For a moment Regina made Rex break away fascinated at this new body part. She stared down as Red's skilled fingers began to stroke up and down, feeling this new appendage become fully hard as a groan escaped Rex's lips.

Red grinned wickedly before Rex claimed her mouth, pushing her towards the bedroom as the pulsating between his legs became almost unbearable with need. He yanked her dress down over her hips, admiring her toned stomach before he pushed her down on to the bed. He crouched over her on hands and knees before sinking his face down against her flat stomach, dragging his tongue over her belly button and then nibbling at her hip. Red's legs opened wide, curling them around Rex's back and he felt himself push against her entrance. She moaned again, her fingers fumbling with the buttons on his shirt. When she couldn't get it undone, she ripped it in frustration and Regina almost swore, wondering in the back of her mind how many buttons she would have to sew back on later. Red grinned apologetically, pulling Rex down to kiss him once again, her tongue swirling deliciously against his own.

Red rocked her hips upward, pushing against him as she felt him enter her for the first time. Regina gasped at the sensation, pushing further, deeper inside her enjoying the newfound depth as Rex rocked his hips, using his arms for leverage.

'Faster…' Red growled her fingertips clutching at Rex's back, her nails digging into soft flesh.

Regina was struggling to keep up the rhythm and sweat began to bead on Rex's brow. Suddenly she felt Red try to tip them over and Rex's arm buckled as Red rolled on top of him, her legs straddling wide over his hips as she rocked her own faster against Rex.

'Oh God… It's been too long…' Red moaned as she bent forward to kiss Rex's chest, her tongue swirling against one of his nipples before she bit down on tender flesh. Rex hissed and Red grinned up at him, the tip of his nipple still between her teeth. Rex ran his palms along the length of her thighs, grasping her hips and pulling her further down onto himself. She groaned again, sitting back up and tossing her head back as she continued the rhythm. Regina felt her orgasm begin to build sending rivulets of pleasure up her spine. Red's thighs clenched tightly against Rex's hips, forcing him deeper inside her and the pressure building inside Regina was pushed precariously to the edge. She held on to it for a moment, almost wary of orgasming being a betrayal in itself, but Red thrust herself down with increasing speed and Regina was forced into release, the power of it hitting her hard after her long abstinence. Red continued to rock, slowing her rhythm before collapsing on top of Rex and regaining her breath as she ran her fingers over his shoulders.

'Been a while?' she asked panting; taking in Rex's stupefied expression.

Regina closed Rex's mouth, she had been staring at the ceiling, and nodded, looking up at Red as a blush crept on to his cheeks.

'I've got to say I'm surprise, looking like you do, that you don't have all the women in town,' Red proclaimed.

'I had a girlfriend back in Storybrook,' Regina said truthfully, 'she… didn't make it back here, I just…'

'…didn't want to betray her,' Red finished looking into Rex's eyes.

Rex nodded, feeling the tears prick at his eyes. This was definitely not her finest hour as a specimen of masculinity.

* * *

Rex woke with Red's leg draped over his stomach and her arm across his chest. He propped himself up on his elbows as another wave of nausea hit him, his stomach rolled over, churning like a storm at sea. He glanced over at Red noting the setting sun and the way the warm rays of light played across her bare skin. Regina's mind began to race as the cold fingers of dread crept up Rex's spine. _What the hell was the time? How could it have gotten so late? God damn it! Was she changing back; was this the sign she had written into the incantation? Fuck!_

Rex's stomach roiled again, spasming painfully as he flung Red's arm from his chest, almost falling as he struggled out from under her thigh. The brunette moaned in her sleep but did not wake. Rex fell to his knees scrambling on all fours as bile stung the back of his throat and promptly vomited into the chamber pot. He grasped his stomach as it convulsed over and over again.

When the waves subsided he rushed to his feet, his head swimming as he rose to his full height. He struggled with his pants, almost falling as he pulled them on hurriedly. He grabbed for Red's dress, shaking her roughly as she woke with a start.

'What is it?' She asked looking up her eyes widening at the alarm consuming Rex's face.

'You have to go…' Rex choked out clutching at his stomach.

'What? I thought we could have some dinner and maybe a little more fun later?' Red grinned seductively then frowned as the alarm stayed stark against Rex's pale face.

'No.' He gasped bluntly, 'you have to go, get up!' He ordered, grabbing her bicep and hauling her half way across the bed in an effort to get her up.

'Hurry!' Rex barked doubling over as the spasms became more intense.

'Are you okay? You don't look so good,' Red asked placing a hand on his shoulder. That spurred Regina into action, she snatched for Red's shoes, taking her by the hand and pulling her into the parlour to the entranceway. Rex reached for her cloak thrusting both into her hands before pushing her out the door. Red tsked loudly,

'Maybe I could come back sometime?' She asked looking hopeful in a last ditch effort.

'Go!' Rex growled again as he shut the door sinking onto the cold stone of the floor. He muttered the incantation that would mask Regina's home from Red wandering back and took a fortifying breath. Rex raised a hand to his mouth gasping as Regina's hand materialised as her own once again. She turned it over, inspecting it as she had done before but it was the same as it had always been.

As she watched her arm transform, the magic running up her arm to her shoulders and then down across her chest, her breasts reappearing one by one. She palmed each one, enjoying the familiar weight against her chest. Regina pushed herself up the door, standing on slightly shaky legs but the pain eased as the rest of her body transformed back to its natural state.

The leather pants slipped easily past her thighs to the stone floor and she stepped out of them, picking them up she strolled into the parlour.

'Nice to see you're back to normal,' Sydney commented from the mirror, he gave her a once over glance, smirking slightly. She glowered at him in return,

'Show me,' she commanded and he disappeared to reveal her own reflection. She ran a hand down her nose and across her lips. All was as it should be, she saw as relief washed over her.

* * *

Regina stepped into her kitchen; she could clearly see Henry from the window as she washed grapes for his snack. He was sitting in his 'little tyke's' coupe, chatting to himself in a language only he understood. The occasional word would come out clearly but mostly it was jibberish. She glanced up from the sink; he was still chatting away and sitting stationary with his little hands on the steering wheel. She took out a small chopping board and placing the grapes down, she began cutting them in half and placing them into a small plastic bowl. Then she filled Henry's beaker with water and carried them both out to the table on the patio. Suddenly Henry's wails filled the air and Regina turned round quickly to see him sprawled on the ground. She raced over to him as he picked himself up and scooped him into her arms.

'Oh honey, what did you hurt?' She asked rubbing his back as his arms clung tightly around her neck. She took him over to the patio and sat with him on her lap and cradled him until his sobbing began to subside.

'It's okay. It's not so bad, see?' She soothed, showing him his own knees with just a small graze to each. He whimpered slightly at the droplets of blood and buried his face against her breast as she kissed his hair.

'Come on, let's get you cleaned up and then we can have some snack, okay?' She asked and he nodded still whimpering. Regina picked up her son and carried him into the kitchen on her hip. She reached up into one of the cabinets to retrieve one of her many first aid kits then sat Henry on the island counter whilst she got out what she needed. He clung to the sleeve of her blouse and sniffed, rubbing the tears from his eyes.

Regina tore off the top of an antiseptic wipe and looked down at her son; his bottom lip stuck out and it trembled slightly as he watched what she was doing.

'Let's make this all clean okay honey?' First she wiped one knee and then used a fresh wipe for the next. Henry whimpered, then fresh tears spilled anew and he let out a wail.

'It's okay; see I'm all done. We can put a band-aid on now.' Regina pulled out a couple of band-aids from the box and tore one open. She held it up, smiling for Henry to see the picture of Elmo and he grinned through his tears.

When she was done, Regina picked up Henry and placed him on the floor expecting him to run off and play as was usual whilst she washed her hands but instead he burst into tears again, raising his arms for her to pick him up.

'Hey, come on. Mama needs to wash her hands and then we can have our snack, okay?' She petted his head gently before turning on the faucet as he clung to her skirt, wailing.

Suddenly his cries turned to whimpers and then,

'Mama…' Henry said clearly for the first time. Regina looked down at him, her heart in her throat. 'Mama…Mama, hug' Henry repeated, as he raised his arms again wiggling his knees back and forth.

Regina laughed picking him up she nuzzled against his shoulder,

'Yes Henry, mama hugs!' She said smiling at him as he returned her smile. 'Come on, you hungry?' and Henry nodded.

* * *

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